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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v.8

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v. 8
It is true that a large number of people decide to take part in a career and earn money while the intention develops from the early stages of their life. As a result, they are happy with their working life. The view may vary but I completely agree to this. Frequently, the dream of taking up a career begins in early part of life. When kids are in schools, they compose essays on ‘Aim in Life’ where they mention about intentions to do in their adulthood. Consequently, they try to get into the track they cherished and most of them win the career and grow well in all terms. So, when they are in desired track, they are satisfied with their working life. The early career gives enough time for thinking or even switching career. People who start working at an early stage have better skills and better control of their professional life. In opposite, in my life, I have met with some unhappy people with their career path. They blame misfortune because they wanted to take something else as their career but they are to work on a completely different track which brings the sense of dissatisfaction. For instance, a science graduate who is a friend of mine is now handling banking transactions and an English graduate friend of mine is solving Chemistry problems in a lab! It really turns troublesome for them to bring satisfaction in their career as neither they were ready to deal with the matters nor they had intentions. Most of these people start their career at a later stage and become stuck to something. For a satisfying working life, I believe, people would like to have some specific issues in line with their regular salaries like a cosy working environment, flexible working hours and some extra benefits etc. If they have the facilities, they would be able to focus more on the work which gradually will bring the sense job satisfaction. However, my personal experience taught me that job satisfaction for all employees ios not possible and people's expectation for their jobs vary to a great extent. Nevertheless, my personal opinion is that a contented employee would usually seek for job security, better salary and health working environment. To conclude, it should be kept in mind that we work to live a happy life, and if the working conditions can enhance the living we become happier. Starting a career at an early age has several advantages and happy employees are those who feel secured at their jobs and get a better salary.
It is true that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and earn money while the intention develops from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
, they are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The view may vary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this.

Frequently
, the dream of taking up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When kids are in schools, they compose essays on ‘Aim in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life’
where they
Did you mean simply "mention intentions"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about intentions
to do in their adulthood.
Consequently
, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
they cherished and most of them win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and grow well in all terms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when they are in desired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, they
are satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for thinking or even switching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
control of their professional life.

In opposite, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I have met with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path. They blame misfortune
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they wanted to take something else as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are to work on a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
which brings the sense of dissatisfaction.
For instance
, a science graduate who is a friend of mine is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
handling banking transactions and an English graduate friend of mine is solving Chemistry problems in a lab! It
really
turns troublesome for them to bring satisfaction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as neither they were ready to deal with the
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
matters nor
they had intentions. Most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at a later stage and become stuck to something.

For a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific issues in line with their regular salaries like a
Possible spelling mistake. 'cosy' is British English.
cosy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment, flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra benefits etc. If they have the facilities, they would be able to focus more on the work which
gradually
will bring the sense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.
However
, my personal experience taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction for all employees
Possible spelling mistake found.
ios
not possible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's expectation for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
vary to a great extent.
Nevertheless
, my personal opinion is that a contented employee would
usually
seek for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment.

To conclude
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind that we work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions can enhance the living we become happier. Starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age has several advantages and happy employees are those who feel secured at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
428 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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