Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is commonly thought that it is healthy for adults to maintain an outside interest in order to relax or stay fit. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of 3 of the following sports and pastimes: v.1

It is commonly thought that it is healthy for adults to maintain an outside interest in order to relax or stay fit. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of 3 of the following sports and pastimes: v. 1
Everyone wants to maintain a perfect health but it is difficult to obtain this especially in this modern era with a changing lifestyle where people remain busy most of the time. So, the adults engage in different sports and pastimes to stay fit and healthy. But both sports and pastimes have advantages and disadvantages. A brief of the matter is discussed below. First of all, tennis is preferred for its several advantages. It helps to make the body fit and reduces risks for diseases like diabetes, heart disorders etc. Overall mental health is also achieved from this sport. But the most important disadvantage is – tennis is not fit for everyone. Adults over 45 are suggested not to participate in tennis. They might be unable to stroke with the heavy racket or may not move in the court speedily. Besides, this is a costly sport as well. Second, walking is a very good form of physical exercise and applicable for people of any age. It helps to reduce weight, burn fats and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But it has some demerits as well. Extensive walking may weaken bone joints. Besides, walking provides a slow benefit. It reduces weight in exchange for longer times. My dad takes a morning walk every day to shed his extra pounds but the results are unremarkable. He has been walking for last three months. Finally, people join clubs for passing leisure hours. It offers recreational acts like playing cards, having a group chat etc. Such events develop a sense of comfort to the club-goers. In fact, a club improves mental faculties. But there are no physical benefits as it is derived from physical movements. At the end, I believe physical activities should be taken to maintain a healthy living and lifestyle. Only fit people may seek the opportunity to join a club as they need less physical movements. Besides, the remaining people should take sports but after their physical strength and ability.
Everyone wants to maintain a perfect health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is difficult to obtain this
especially
in this modern era with a changing lifestyle where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain busy most of the time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the adults engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and pastimes to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and pastimes have advantages and disadvantages. A brief of the matter
is discussed
below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, tennis
is preferred
for its several advantages. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for diseases like diabetes, heart disorders etc.
Overall
mental health is
also
achieved from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
disadvantage is
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
tennis is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
for everyone. Adults over 45
are suggested
not to participate in tennis. They might be unable to stroke with the heavy racket or may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the court
speedily
.
Besides
, this is a costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as well
.

Second, walking is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise and applicable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any age. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight, burn fats and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits
as well
. Extensive walking may weaken bone joints.
Besides
, walking provides a slow benefit. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
weight in exchange for longer times. My dad takes a morning walk every day to shed his extra pounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the results are unremarkable. He has been walking for last three months.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
clubs for passing leisure hours. It offers recreational acts like playing cards, having a group chat etc. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
develop a sense of comfort to the club-goers. In fact, a club
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
mental faculties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
benefits as it
is derived
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movements.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities should
be taken
to maintain a healthy living and lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may seek the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a club as they need less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movements.
Besides
, the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength and ability.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is commonly thought that it is healthy for adults to maintain an outside interest in order to relax or stay fit. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of 3 of the following sports and pastimes: v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts