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It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it? v.1

It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it? v. 1
We all dream of a peaceful and happy life but often the life is disturbed by the crime and criminals. As a result, the quality of life becomes poorer. It is more prevalent in the developed countries. There are several causes that lead to the problem and those are described in the following paragraphs in brief. Lack of childhood parental care is one of the leading issues for crime in the developed countries, - believe many social activists. Kids exercise violence from their high schools and it happens as they lack the right guidance and parental care. Since they are not taken care by parents, they commit different sorts of crime and there are lots of examples in Europe and the USA where the young people have been found guilty in different crime situations – even in murder. Secondly, I believe, insecurity and discrimination lead people to break the law. When they cannot get their rights as they were supposed to be, they try taking control of the rights themselves which consequently leads to criminal activities. A kid of a single mother or single father family is more prone to commit crimes and a 1983 study reveals that 60% of child abuse occurred in such conditions by the mother or the father which lead to a behavioural disorder among them and inspire in violating the law. So, solving the issue appears really daunting as the problem did not grow overnight. The corrective measures should come first from the family. When a child will know about its social responsibilities and how things work, it will behave in order. The parents, teachers and other relatives have to take responsibility for children to make them better citizens. The government must make sure that the citizens have the access to proper education and other human rights. A combination effort of both people and the government is required to tackle the crime. In summary, a sense of security should be developed among adult people feeling threatened by the society and thus they could be prevented from being outlaws. I think some motivational attempts from government may be helpful in this case in line with the parental care.
We all dream of a peaceful and happy life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the life
is disturbed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and criminals.
As a result
, the quality of life becomes poorer. It is more prevalent in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. There are several causes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to the problem and those are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the following paragraphs
in brief
.

Lack of childhood parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is one of the leading issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social activists. Kids exercise violence from their high schools and it happens as they lack the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
guidance and parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. Since they are not taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by parents, they commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and there are lots of examples in Europe and the USA where the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been found
guilty in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
situations
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
even in murder.

Secondly
, I believe, insecurity and discrimination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to break the law. When they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
as they
were supposed
to be, they try taking control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
themselves which
consequently
leads to criminal activities. A kid of a single mother or single father family is more prone to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and a 1983 study reveals that 60% of child abuse occurred in such conditions by the mother or the father which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
disorder among them and inspire in violating the law.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, solving the issue appears
really
daunting as the problem did not grow overnight. The corrective measures should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
from the family. When a child will know about its social responsibilities and how things work, it will behave in order. The parents, teachers and other relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them better citizens. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the citizens have the access to proper education and other human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. A combination effort of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is required
to tackle the crime.

In summary, a sense of security should
be developed
among adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feeling threatened by the society and
thus
they could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from being outlaws. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
motivational attempts from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may be helpful
in this case
in line with the parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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