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Many people believed sport lessons are important in school timetable. Both girls and boys should take part in sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believed sport lessons are important in school timetable. Both girls and boys should take part in sports. Arpgw
The importance of sports which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people believed that it is beneficial while others reject this notion because of gender disparity. The substantial influence of school sports activities have sparked the controversy over the potential impact in field of physical game. In my opinion, sport lessons in school appear to be more rational. Analysing the statement and explaining further, the first and foremost reason behind this is that discrimination in gender, for mind set people boys are physically fit as contrast to girls, so girls should not able to perform outdoor games. For instance, it was found by Indian history that, no existence of women team before 18th century in the field of cricket, hockey, football and many more such kind of physical outdoor activities. However, in current trend teenagers develop their sports playing hobby in their daily life which will eventually help them to become strong, fit and healthy. It was surveyed by Safari magazine that, after including compulsory sports facilities in school curriculum; participants in games and atheletes for the many nation had been soared by almost 72%; therefore, it is advisable to motivate both sexes to play outdoor games like vollyball, cricket and etc for having some physical exercise which will less affected by common diseases such as fever and cold. To conclude, education system should include sports equipments as it is vital for making future for upcoming generations and growing their career opportunities development as well physical fitness.
The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which was always debatable has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more controversial with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that it is beneficial while others reject this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender disparity. The substantial influence of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities have sparked the controversy over the potential impact in field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
game. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lessons in school appear to be more rational.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the statement and explaining
further
, the
first
and foremost reason behind this is that discrimination in gender, for mind set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
boys are
physically
fit as contrast to girls,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
girls should not able to perform outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, it
was found
by Indian history that, no existence of women team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
18th century in the field of cricket, hockey, football and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
outdoor activities.
However
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
playing hobby in their daily life which will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become strong, fit and healthy. It
was surveyed
by Safari magazine that, after including compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in school curriculum; participants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
atheletes
for the
Possible agreement error. The noun nation seems to be countable; consider using: "many nations".
many nation
had
been soared
by almost 72%;
therefore
, it is advisable to motivate both sexes to play outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
vollyball
, cricket
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
for having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise which will less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by common diseases such as fever and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
.
To conclude
, education system should include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipments as it is vital for making future for upcoming generations and growing their career opportunities development
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness.
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IELTS essay Many people believed sport lessons are important in school timetable. Both girls and boys should take part in sports.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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