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Many people believe that the rise of crime rates in big cities is due to homeless people living on the street. To what extent do you agree or disagree with that opinion.

Many people believe that the rise of crime rates in big cities is due to homeless people living on the street. with that opinion. ElwDL
In this modern world, there is a common belief that the homeless outcasts play a role in increasing crime rates in huge cities. While this view might be true to some extent, I partly agree that the issue of rising crimes solely stems from the homeless people. On the one hand, the vagrants are normal citizens and they do not have their home because of several causes such as bankruptcy and abandonment. Firstly, career breakdown is a main key genesis of many inhabitants going bankrupt and being forced to leave their home. Furthermore, a lot of elderly and young children abandoned by their family by the reasons of financial issues have become unwilling to become homeless. Secondly, overpopulation and globalization in the metropolis paved the way for skyrocketing housing prices, which made many people unable to afford to pay for. For example, recently, accommodation fees in Hong Kong have peaked, causing various people to abandon their homes and live on the streets. Therefore, not all vagabonds are crimes, they have to live wandering for problems in life and life is always not good. On the other hand, I would argue that homeless people are really hidden criminals who harmful the safety of others. Firstly, a few of the wanderers in the US who are illegal immigrants from emerging political countries like Iraq are a major threat to the stability of the country. They do not have enough understanding of the language, culture and legal system of the host countries and are easily deceived by bad people. Secondly, Wanderers are financially troubled, especially in Covid 19 that makes it harder to make money so they can do whatever they can to make money covering their basic needs. As a result, they are more likely to commit crimes than others, such as causing robberies at supermarkets or banks. In conclusion, despite some negative views of celebrities favouring convenient translations, I believe their contributions to international aid organizations can certainly make problems more attention.
In this modern world, there is a common belief that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
outcasts play a role in increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in huge cities. While this view might be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the issue of rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
solely
stems from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, the vagrants are normal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
citizens and
they do not have their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several causes such as bankruptcy and abandonment.
Firstly
, career breakdown is a main key genesis of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inhabitants going bankrupt and
being forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
elderly and young children abandoned by their family by the reasons of financial issues have become unwilling to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
.
Secondly
, overpopulation and globalization in the metropolis paved the way for skyrocketing housing prices, which made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unable to afford to pay for.
For example
, recently, accommodation fees in Hong Kong have peaked, causing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to abandon their homes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the streets.
Therefore
, not all vagabonds are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wandering for problems in life and life is always not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
hidden criminals who harmful the safety of others.
Firstly
, a few of the wanderers in the US who are illegal immigrants from emerging political countries like Iraq are a major threat to the stability of the country. They do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
understanding of the language, culture and legal system of the host countries and are
easily
deceived by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, Wanderers are
financially
troubled,
especially
in
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it harder to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can do whatever they can to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money covering their basic needs.
As a result
, they are more likely to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
than others, such as causing robberies at supermarkets or banks.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
views of celebrities
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
convenient translations, I believe their contributions to international aid organizations can
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
problems more attention.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that the rise of crime rates in big cities is due to homeless people living on the street. with that opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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