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Many people believe that technology creates significant impact of modern life. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that technology creates significant impact of modern life. n6xXe
We are living in the modern world which grows dramatically each day. While, modern technology creates significant impact on our society. It has always been a controversial issue in these days. On the other hand, people get lots of benefits for using modern technology. In my opinion, government should take responsibility for ensuring healthy life. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views. Firstly, the advent of modern life changes makes remarkable development in the modern Era. Folks burden with serious diseases. They obtain these kind of diseases from polluted atmosphere. For example, some people smoke cigarette in open area. Consequently, it influences health of passive smokers, who blame their health because of others bad habits. Secondly, fast food makes denotable changes in our culture. Especially, teenagers emulate attractive advertisements words. However, parents work in offices. They haven not been time for cooking. Thereby, they order dishes from online sites. Additionally, junky food enriches with carbohydrate contents. It deposits cholesterol inside of body. In the modern world, most of the individuals couldn't get time for exercise. students goes to school with institutes bus. Besides, worker utilizes lift technology. As a result, they do not get time for burning fat. Consequently, it affects body strength. Folks and pupils have become obese generations. secondly, government must take responsibility for ensuring healthier society. they should restrict cigarettes and drugs usage in limelight area. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that government should take responsibility for teaching healthy diet to society; and they must void cigarettes and fast food culture usage in limelight areas.
We are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world which grows
dramatically
each day.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology creates significant impact on our society. It has always been a controversial issue in these days.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lots of benefits for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility for ensuring healthy life. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views.

Firstly
, the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
remarkable development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
Era. Folks burden with serious diseases. They obtain
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of diseases from polluted atmosphere.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
smoke cigarette in open area.
Consequently
, it influences health of passive smokers, who blame their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Possible spelling mistake found.
denotable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our culture.
Especially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
emulate attractive advertisements words.
However
, parents work in offices. They
The abbreviation is not correct. Did you mean "haven't" (straight quote) or "haven’t" (curly quote)?
haven


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
not
been time for cooking. Thereby, they order dishes from online sites.
Additionally
, junky food enriches with carbohydrate contents. It deposits cholesterol inside of body. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world, most of the individuals couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for exercise.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
goes to school with institutes bus.
Besides
, worker utilizes lift technology.
As a result
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for burning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Consequently
, it affects body strength. Folks and pupils have become obese generations.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility for ensuring healthier society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
should restrict cigarettes and drugs usage in limelight area.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility for teaching healthy diet to society; and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
void cigarettes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food culture usage in limelight areas.
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Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many people believe that technology creates significant impact of modern life.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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