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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. k26K
The advent of social networking sites like Facebook and Instagram have transformed our world significantly. Some people think that these sites have had a detrimental effect on individuals as well as community. However, I believe that such sites are mainly beneficial for individuals, I agree with whom that assert such online sites have had a harmful impact on the local community. With regards to individuals, online social media have had a profound impact on every person. By applying these online applications or sites people can get familiar with other people who live around the world without travelling to other countries and spending money. In addition, everybody can make other friends with different cultures and also can share common interests with each other. Conversely, in the past individual had rarely a chance to find friends worldwide easily. So, they had to travel abroad for making friends or getting familiar with various cultures and traditions. On the other hand, Facebook and other types of online social media not only have not had any beneficial effect on the community but also it has caused the society has become more fragmented and disjointed. It means that people instead of taking part in their local community activity, prefer to spend their time with others who are online. Then, individuals don’t have any tendency for communication with local people in the society. Consequently, the community is becoming fragmented because people tend to allocate their time with people that have not seen them before. In conclusion, I think that social networking sites have a beneficial effect on person because can help them to find new friends around the world and also can gain experience about various life styles globally. While, I believe that social media have harmful impact on community.
The advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook and Instagram have transformed our world
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have had a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
However
, I believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
mainly
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with whom that assert such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have had a harmful impact on the local community.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media have had a profound impact on every person. By applying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
around the world without travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries and spending money.
In addition
, everybody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
also
can share common interests with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Conversely
, in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
had rarely a chance to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
worldwide
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they had to travel abroad for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or getting familiar with various cultures and traditions.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, Facebook and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have not had any beneficial effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has caused the society has become more fragmented and disjointed. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of taking part in their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activity, prefer to spend their time with others who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
don’t have any tendency for communication with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is becoming fragmented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to allocate their time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a beneficial effect on person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
can
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
around the world and
also
can gain experience about various life styles globally.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media have harmful impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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