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More shops are open for longer hours

More shops are open for longer hours PPgd
It is nowadays observed that more and more shops are open for longer hours everyday. It has become a trend in some countries especially the country which I live in i. e UAE. In my opinion there are both positive and negative implications for opening the shops for longer hours. By keeping the shop open for longer hours there is more opportunity window for the shop owners for customers to come in and shop for their daily needs and requirements. This may increase the daily sales and in turn may increase the revenue. Also it provides opportunity for the employees to work extra and get paid overtime in addition to their salaries. Further it provides the customers more flexibility to go for shopping at their convenient timing, especially for the working class couples who work at odd shifts at their work. They neither have to be worried that shop will close at particular time slot nor they need to be in a hurry while shopping thinking the shop might close early in the evening. Shopping for them will become at their leisure time and enjoyable activity. However there might be possibilities of shop running into losses. If the number of customers remain the same even in extended hours they owner need to spend more money into operating cost. All the utilities bills like electricity and consumables will add on the operating cost. Also the overtime wages paid to the employees should be justified and if the revenues don’t increase then it will be good for the business. To conclude the shop owners must do a survey with the customers and market to make the business more profitable and in most of the markets it is observed that opening for longer hours is beneficial to the owners. Hence in some countries we see that more and more shops are open for longer working hours.
It is nowadays observed that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are open for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. It has become a trend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
especially
the country which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in i. e UAE. In my opinion there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications for opening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
hours.

By keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
open for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
there is more opportunity window for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
for their daily needs and requirements. This may increase the daily sales and in turn may increase the revenue.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it provides opportunity for the employees to work extra and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid overtime
in addition
to their salaries.

Further
it provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
more flexibility to go for shopping at their convenient timing,
especially
for the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
couples who work at odd shifts at their work. They neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be worried
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
will close at particular time
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
slot nor
they need to be in a hurry while shopping thinking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
might close early in the evening. Shopping for them will become at their leisure time and enjoyable activity.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there might be possibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
running into losses.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
remain the same even in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
need to spend more money into operating cost. All the utilities bills like electricity and consumables will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on the operating cost.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the overtime wages paid to the employees should
be justified
and if the revenues don’t increase then it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the business.

To conclude
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do a survey with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and market to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the business more profitable and in most of the markets it
is observed
that opening for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are open for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.

IELTS essay More shops are open for longer hours

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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