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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2
A few people generally opine that some social networking sites for example face book, have had adverse (detrimental, injurious, severe) effect on individuals as well as society. Many others believe advantages of such communicative sites outweigh its disadvantages. Although such sites have had damaging effects yet I personally believe that social networking sites are mainly beneficial to local communities. Firstly, by availability of immense features in face book and other messengers these days, it has become possible to get rid of awkward feelings such as homesickness and loneliness for those, who leave their homes cities and countries for specific reasons. It seemed to be so hard to control emotional attachments after separating from family for majority of individuals a few years before. Another supporting fact is that Communication through such sites is not only cheaper and convenient but also with availability of some advanced features as, video calling and social groups, people of all age groups stay connected with each other. By sharing current events through such amazing sites, all come to know about current happenings and important news of the day instantly without wasting time on watching mass media. However, some negative effects on the communities of such communications cannot be denied. A number of illegal and unacceptable posts are often seen on face book which sometimes seriously hurt the faith and sentiments of a particular group of society. Furthermore, some innocent and new users on such sites are often betrayed by others because of lack of physical appearance while conversations. At last, though some limitations in social networking sites exist, they have brought individuals close together. Local communities should try to control its misuse in order to promote its prominent advantages
A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generally
opine that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for example
face book, have had adverse (detrimental, injurious, severe) effect on individuals
as well
as society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
others believe advantages of such communicative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
outweigh its disadvantages. Although such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have had damaging effects
yet
I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
mainly
beneficial to local communities.

Firstly
, by availability of immense features in face book and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
messengers these days, it has become possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of awkward feelings such as homesickness and loneliness for those, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes cities and countries for specific reasons. It seemed to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to control emotional attachments after separating from family for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
individuals a few years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Another supporting fact is that Communication through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cheaper and convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advanced features as, video calling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all age groups stay connected with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. By sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
through such amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
happenings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
news of the day
instantly
without wasting time on watching mass media.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the communities of such communications cannot
be denied
. A number of illegal and unacceptable posts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on face book which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
seriously
hurt the faith and sentiments of a particular group of society.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innocent and new users on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
betrayed by others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of physical appearance while conversations.

At last, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
exist, they have brought individuals close together. Local communities should try to control its misuse in order to promote its prominent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
advantages
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Face book) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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