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Many people believe that social networking sites have had a negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites have had a negative impact on individuals and society. v. 1
The advent of social networking sites, mainly Facebook and Instagram, in the early decades of the 21st century have transformed the ways that people interact with their friends and community. I am in complete agreement that they have had a negative overall impact on both individuals and society. Social networking sites hurt individuals by replacing more active forms of enjoyment with transitory, unhealthy self-esteem boosts. In the past, people were more likely to take up an active hobby such as painting, playing a sport or learning a musical instrument. Over time those hobbies increase self-esteem, provide hours of enjoyment, and can be seen as active and healthy to varying degrees. Facebook and Instagram replace not only the time spent on worthwhile hobbies but users also get stuck in a feedback loop which gives them temporary bursts of dopamine in place of longer lasting feelings of accomplishment. Just as social media has undoubtedly hurt individuals, it has also taken its toll on society. It is a common refrain to hear older people complaining about how generations today are narcissists, glued to their phones. There is an element of truth in this. Social networking sites, coupled with smartphones, allow people to withdraw and be anonymous in public places. Over time people will come to feel they have less in common with their fellow man and society will become fragmented and more insular with deeply complex political, individual and social consequences. In conclusion, the rise of social networking platforms has hurt individuals and society greatly. In order to combat this, governments and parents should at least better regulate their availability to children and young teens.
The advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites,
mainly
Facebook and Instagram, in the early decades of the 21st century have transformed the ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with their friends and community. I am in complete agreement that they have had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
overall
impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society.

Social networking sites hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
by replacing more active forms of enjoyment with transitory, unhealthy self-esteem boosts. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were more likely to take up an active hobby such as painting, playing a sport or learning a musical instrument. Over time those hobbies increase self-esteem, provide hours of enjoyment, and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as active and healthy to varying degrees. Facebook and Instagram replace not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the time spent on worthwhile hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
users
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in a feedback loop which gives them temporary bursts of dopamine in place of longer lasting feelings of accomplishment.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has
undoubtedly
hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, it has
also
taken its toll on society. It is a common refrain to hear older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complaining about how generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are narcissists, glued to their phones. There is an element of truth in this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking sites, coupled with smartphones,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to withdraw and be anonymous in public places. Over time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to feel they have less in common with their fellow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and society will become fragmented and more insular with
deeply
complex political,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
consequences.

In conclusion
, the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking platforms has hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society
greatly
. In order to combat this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and parents should at least better regulate their availability to children and young teens.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites have had a negative impact on individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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