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Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. v. 1
Many people, and children in particular, enjoy playing computer games. While I accept that these games can sometimes have a positive effect on the user, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact. On the one hand, video games can be both entertaining and educational. Users, or gamers, are transported into virtual worlds which are often more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. From an educational perspective, these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context. Furthermore, it has been shown that computer simulation games can improve users’ motor skills and help to prepare them for real-world tasks, such as flying a plane. However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Gaming can be highly addictive because users are constantly given scores, new targets and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Many children now spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of a game or to get a higher score than their friends. This type of addiction can have effects ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school, when homework is sacrificed for a few more hours on the computer or console. The rise in obesity in recent years has also been linked in part to the sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise that often accompany gaming addiction. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of video games are more significant than the possible benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
The comma is probably incorrect: "people"
people,
and children
in particular
, enjoy playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While I accept that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.

On the one hand, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be both entertaining and educational.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Users
, or gamers,
are transported
into virtual worlds which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. From an educational perspective, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage imagination and creativity,
as well
as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
outside the gaming context.
Furthermore
, it has
been shown
that computer simulation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users’
motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to prepare them for real-world tasks, such as flying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
.

However
, I would argue that these benefits
are outweighed
by the drawbacks. Gaming can be
highly
addictive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
are
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
scores, new targets and frequent rewards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them playing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of a game or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher score than their friends. This type of addiction can have effects ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school, when homework
is sacrificed
for a few more hours on the computer or console. The rise in obesity in recent years has
also
been linked
in part to the sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accompany gaming addiction.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more significant than the possible benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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