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Many people believe that playing games and watching tv is beneficial but other say it doesnt improve mental ability of children.to what extent do you agree or disagree.

Many people believe that playing games and watching tv is beneficial but other say it doesnt improve mental ability of children. nXkal
In globalisation era, playing sports and watching small screen has become a habbit of every children to spend their leisure time. Hence, it does not improve the psychological skills of the juvenile. So, i largely agree with this trend, however it causes many detrimenal issues to the health. To commence with, no one can deny that in recent days the youngester mostly prefer to play video games and watching tv to enhance their lingustic skills. To clarify it, children can learn different languages and get more knowledge about the nation. Also, kids develop their mind by playing video games, and learn to develop more skills. For instance, chess game help the juvniles to increase their intelligence to new levels. , which can be used in the real life situation. As a result, it is a very effective way to improve brain of a pupil. Futhermore, it is a source of entertainment. To explain it, due to the busy schedule of the children. they have lot of stress regarding their studies as well as work. . Thus, it is a good way to remove stress from the mind by watching tv or playing video games. On the flip side, there are many demerits of this trend. The first and the foremost is that it causes deleterious to the heath such as, eye sight problem, headache and the obesity. Apart from this, some video games create violence and crime among childrens. For example, recently newsaper, 'hindu times', about 30% of kids suicide due to the falling in the game, namely PUBG. To conclude, although watching tv and playing games might be harm to children mental health than good yet it provides many benefits to the kids to improve their mental ability. Hence, i believe that time management plays crucial role in it.
In
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports and watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen has become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbit
of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
to spend their leisure time.
Hence
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the juvenile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend,
however
it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
detrimenal
issues to the health. To commence with, no one can deny that in recent days the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngester
mostly
prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
to enhance their
Possible spelling mistake found.
lingustic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To clarify it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge about the nation.
Also
, kids develop their mind by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and learn to develop more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, chess game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvniles
to increase their intelligence to new levels.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the real life situation.
As a result
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
brain of a pupil.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, it is a source of entertainment. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, due to the busy schedule of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
regarding their studies
as well
as work.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Thus
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to remove
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from the mind by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits of this trend. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
that it causes deleterious to the heath such as,
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
problem, headache and the obesity. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
create violence and crime among
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.
For example
, recently
Possible spelling mistake found.
newsaper
, '
Possible spelling mistake found.
hindu
times', about 30% of kids suicide due to the falling in the game,
namely
PUBG.
To conclude
, although watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might be harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mental health than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
yet
it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental ability.
Hence
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that time management plays crucial role in it.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that playing games and watching tv is beneficial but other say it doesnt improve mental ability of children.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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