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Many people believe that music plays and important role in bringing together the people of different culture and ages. What is your opinion?

Many people believe that music plays and important role in bringing together the people of different culture and ages. What is your opinion? Q2qow
Music is a sensationally soothing form of art that can make connections by leaving an in-depth impact on their souls. It is believed by many that music can be the source which can bring together people of different cultures and ages. I am affirmative that music is a strong source of connections between people. Music is an integral part of all the different cultures thriving worldwide. It gives away this essence of mystique to the people of other cultures listening to it that in the journey of unravelling it they start making connections with the people of that musical culture. In mediaeval India, the Muslim rulers of India were so intrigued by the Indian musical culture that in the journey of exploring it they ended up connecting with the greatest of Indian musicians of that time, like Mughal ruler Akbar and Tansen. This not only helped the rulers to know something new it also helped the growth and prosperity of Indian music during that age. Concerning the influence of music upon people of different ages, there are many days today instances that can advocate the assertion. The most common of those being the assembly of the choir in a church or the singing groups at temples, people of all ages come together and sing to their belief in the almighty. This not only connects them but also encourages the younger people to learn and prosper from the knowledge of the elders and similarly also familiarises the elders with the new technologies when they are with the youngsters. All in all, music is one of the most cherished art forms which has contributed towards connecting versatility in terms of age and culture. Despite its different forms, the magic of the beats always does the trick.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a
sensationally
soothing form of art that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
connections by leaving an in-depth impact on their souls. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be the source which can bring together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I am affirmative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a strong source of connections between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Music is an integral part of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
thriving worldwide. It gives away this essence of mystique to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
listening to it that in the journey of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unravelling
it they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making connections with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
mediaeval
India, the Muslim rulers of India were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
intrigued by the Indian musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
that in the journey of exploring it they ended up connecting with the greatest of Indian musicians of that time, like Mughal ruler Akbar and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tansen
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the rulers to know something new it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the growth and prosperity of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
during that age.

Concerning the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
instances that can advocate the assertion. The most common of those being the assembly of the choir in a church or the singing groups at temples,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and sing to their belief in the almighty. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
connects them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourages the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn and prosper from the knowledge of the elders and
similarly
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarises' is British English.
familiarises
the elders with the new technologies when they are with the youngsters.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the most cherished art forms which has contributed towards connecting versatility in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Despite its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
forms, the magic of the beats always does the trick.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that music plays and important role in bringing together the people of different culture and ages. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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