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Many people believe that “Money can buy happiness”. Do you agree or disagree ?

Many people believe that “Money can buy happiness”. 96P6r
In this day and age, it is widely believed that money is one of the most essential factor contributing to the happiness. From my perspective, I partly agree with this idea and I will prove my opinion in this essay. On the one hand, it is true that money plays an important role in the life of people. Firstly, money can help people pay for their living cost. It means that people’s life can be happier, more comfortable, and they wil not be worry about anything that is related to money. For instance, rich people will have a high-living standard, and they could feel proud of their luxurious lifestyle. In contrast, in a family, if they are not wealthy people, they will more likely to have conflicts. On the other hand, happiness cannot be bought by wealthy people. In contrast, it comes from the relationship between them and their family or their friends. Moreover, each person will have their happiness from different things, and it is very hard to say that only rich people are happy. For example, there is a person having a lot of money. But if he does not have any friends or relatives to share, he cannot live happily. In conclusion, although money is quiet important for each person, it is not the vitalest fator for happiness.
In this day and age, it is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the most essential factor contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. From my perspective, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I will prove my opinion in this essay.

On the one hand, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
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money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
pay for their living cost. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life can be happier, more comfortable, and they
Possible spelling mistake found.
wil
not be worry about anything that
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a high-living standard, and they could feel proud of their luxurious lifestyle.
In contrast
, in a family, if they are not wealthy
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people
, they will more likely to have conflicts.

On the other hand
,
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happiness
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In contrast
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the relationship between them and their family or their friends.
Moreover
, each person will have their
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happiness
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy.
For example
, there is a person having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if he does not have any friends or relatives to share, he cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
.

In conclusion
, although
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money
is
Did you mean "quite"? 'quiet' means 'silent', 'quite' mean 'very' or 'to a moderate extent'
quiet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for each person, it is not the
Possible spelling mistake found.
vitalest
Possible spelling mistake found.
fator
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that “Money can buy happiness”.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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