Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect in children. To what extent do you agree v.1

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect in children. 1
People are always anxious to hear about celebrities and the media is often ready to provide it to them. However, the majority of this news focus on their private life, like stories about their lifestyle and relationships. Folks consider stars as their favourites and eager to pursue their lifestyle. Therefore, these sorts of news will naturally affect the community, particularly children in an unfavourable manner. If, Correspondents work to bring out the positives of these distinguished people that will certainly produce some constructive impact on the readers. I think that the media should be sharper and responsible for this kind of matters that influence people, particularly youngsters. Information related to a celebrity life generally considered to be one of the most popular news among readers of a newspaper or viewers of a television channel. Therefore, to increases the number of subscribers, these media have always been ready to exaggerate news related to famous people especially the negatives from their life. Unfortunately, these minus points about them will influence their followers negatively. For example, many youngsters start drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes to pursue the habits of their stars. However, an encouraging story about a celebrity will enable people to take advantage of it. So the media should act in favour of community while dealing with this aspect of things. In addition, to the impacts on people, Media coverage of these negative matters affects even the stars and their families also. Princess Diana 's life and her death is an important example of this matter. Media can publish their constructive works rather than looking for their drawbacks. In conclusion, the media should give more concern about the content of an article related to a celebrity due to the negative impacts on children and even on the celebrity itself. They should give emphasis on values than focusing on the monetary benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always anxious to hear about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ready to provide it to them.
However
, the majority of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
focus on their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, like stories about their lifestyle and relationships. Folks consider stars as their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
and eager to pursue their lifestyle.
Therefore
, these sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
naturally
affect the community,
particularly
children
Consider replacing "in an unfavourable manner" with the adverb for "unfavourable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unfavourable manner
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
, Correspondents work to bring out the positives of these distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that will
certainly
produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
constructive impact on the readers. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should be sharper and responsible for this kind of matters that influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
youngsters.

Information related to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
generally
considered to be one of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
among readers of a newspaper or viewers of a television channel.
Therefore
, to increases the number of subscribers, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have always been ready to exaggerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
the negatives from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Unfortunately, these minus points about them will influence their followers
negatively
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes to pursue the habits of their stars.
However
, an encouraging story about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take advantage of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should act in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of community while dealing with this aspect of things.

In addition
, to the impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
coverage of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
matters affects even the stars and their families
also
. Princess Diana 's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and her death is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
example of this matter.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
can publish their constructive works
rather
than looking for their drawbacks.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should give more concern about the content of an article related to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on children and even on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
itself. They should give emphasis on values than focusing on the monetary benefits.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect in children. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts