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Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it To what extent do you agree v.2

Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it 2
Many people believe that consumption of alcohol leads to many problems and as a result many states have ban on alcohol. Up to certain extent I agree with above statement but still government should allow it in certain limit as it also has some advantages too. First of all, alcohol helps to improve digestive system and doctors often suggest it if person is suffering from such troubles. Apart from this, often bier is used as a medicine in kidney stone disease. So we can say that use of alcohol in specific limit is very helpful for us. It makes us hungry and helps to keep our body fit and healthy. On the other side, consumption of alcohol beyond certain limit is very harmful to our body. There are so many disadvantages of it. It is directly affect our nervous system and we lose control of ourselves and do not realize what we are doing. Alcohol is the main reason of family conflicts and domestic violence on women. Person not only harms himself but also makes his loved once unhappy and sad. People spent so much money on alcohol and as a result they even do not have money to fulfill their family’s basic requirements. It also directly affects our liver and that may cause many side effects in our body. This is the reason why some states like Gujarat has completely prohibited the alcohol and most of the countries has strict rules on consumption of alcohol. To summaries, I think that state should implement strict measurement on use of alcohol so that people think twice before crossing the allowable limit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and
as a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states have ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. Up to certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
it in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
as it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages too.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
digestive system and doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggest it if person is suffering from such troubles. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bier is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a medicine in kidney stone disease.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
in specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for us. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us hungry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body fit and healthy.

On the other side, consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
beyond certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to our body. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of it. It is
directly
affect our nervous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
system and
we lose control of ourselves and do not realize what we are doing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Alcohol
is the main reason of family conflicts and domestic violence on women. Person not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harms himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
once unhappy and sad.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
as a result
they even do not have money to fulfill their family’s basic requirements. It
also
directly
affects our liver and that may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
side effects in our body. This is the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states like Gujarat has completely prohibited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and most of the countries has strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on consumption of alcohol.

To summaries, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that state should implement strict measurement on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
crossing the allowable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limit
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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