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Many people believe that accept bad situation, such as shortage of money and wealth while other argue that it is best way to try something new so they easily achieve that they want and improve situations.In this essay I will discuss both views and in the end, I will give my opinion.

Many people believe that accept bad situation, such as shortage of money and wealth while other argue that it is best way to try something new so they easily achieve that they want and improve situations. In this essay I will NyY02
On the one hand, some people received that their bad situation because of most of the public think that they could not do that and they are not eligible. However, most of the people are very lazy and they do not try to achieve their goals. In modern area, people try to get a well educational job for fullfill their dreams but nowadays most of the company not accept them because of they are quite selfish so, then people are demotivate and they think that I am happy with my situation. Few people are not leave their bad situation because of they do not come out with their comfortable zone. For example, they like to working with their needs like listening music but in the company, the owner are not allow that and people are leave their job. On the other hand, other people believe that it is better to try something new and come out their bad situation and try to become a richer. if people come out with thier comfor zone and try to achieve new then it is not only good for them but also well for their family. if people are not interested to study them they leave it and try to other things related to their hobby like going on sports, singing, dancing. if people try to try and never stop trying and then in the future they will be definately success. For example, my brother are not good in study and my father force them to do that but my brother was not interested and they decided to their own goal and going on singing career for today, he become a successful singer and rock star. In conclusion, I believe with second opinion and say that people need to try things out of their comfort zone and it would be definately success in the future. that is not only goof for their but also for society. if people try to develop new things then automatically improve their brain and their skills as well as also have a good chance to meet new people and achieve them.
On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
received that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of most of the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they could not do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they are not eligible.
However
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they do not try to achieve their goals. In modern area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well educational job for
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
not accept them
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
are quite selfish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
demotivate and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I am happy with my situation.

Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with their comfortable zone.
For example
, they like to working with their needs like listening music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, the owner are not
Consider using a past participle here: "allowed".
allow
that and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job.

On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is better to try something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation and try to become a richer.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfor
zone and try to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
then it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
well for their family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested to study them they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it and try to other things related to their hobby like going on sports, singing, dancing.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
trying and then in the future they will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
success.
For example
, my brother are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in study and my father force them to do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my brother was not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interested and
they decided to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goal and going on singing career for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, he become a successful singer and rock star.

In conclusion
, I believe with second opinion and say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to try things out of their comfort zone and it would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
success in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goof for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things then
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their brain and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as
also
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and achieve them.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that accept bad situation, such as shortage of money and wealth while other argue that it is best way to try something new so they easily achieve that they want and improve situations. In this essay I will

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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