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Many people attend mass gatherings even if they are sick. Does this surprise you? Do you think that this should be permitted

Many people attend mass gatherings even if they are sick. Does this surprise you? Do you think that this should be permitted 1moeM
Mass gatherings should not be permitted that is a judicious choice. Because the number of people that attend mass gatherings is enormous, the government can hardly control whether the people are infectious or not. Therefore, I firmly believe that mass gatherings should be banned in the serious COVID-19 pandemic. This is the most efficient way to restrict the spread rapidly around the world. To begin with, banning mass gatherings is to reduce community transmission. When the government curbs the large-scale events and mass gatherings, the rate of residents who may be infected is reduced. Also, this way is to halt the spread of the virus. Recent articles have shown that social distancing is the best way to control the Covid-19 virus. Moreover, people who may have been exposed to the virus have been asked to be in quarantine. On top of that, mass gatherings can not restrain a large number of people in this event, this can lead to being at a higher risk of infection. Some people have not realized the importance of protecting their health. On the other hand, the surveyor hasn’t controlled the huge attendance. Thus, it is obligatory for people to examine before attending mass gatherings. For example, most people who take part in mass gatherings have to wash their hands and wear masks. To sum up, mass gatherings' elimination is the best way to improve the health community. Not only a government but also an individual should take responsibility for preventing the spread of the COVID-19. For these reasons, I think that we should prohibit mass gatherings in stressful situations now.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
should not
be permitted
that is
a judicious choice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
is enormous, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can hardly control whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are infectious or not.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
should
be banned
in the serious COVID-19 pandemic. This is the most efficient way to restrict the spread
rapidly
around the world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
community transmission. When the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
curbs the large-scale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
, the rate of residents who may
be infected
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
Also
, this way is to halt the spread of the virus. Recent articles have shown that social distancing is the best way to control the Covid-19 virus.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may have
been exposed
to the virus have
been asked
to be in quarantine.

On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
can not restrain
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, this can lead to being at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of infection.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not realized the importance of protecting their health.
On the other hand
, the surveyor hasn’t controlled the huge attendance.
Thus
, it is obligatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wash their hands and wear masks.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
gatherings' elimination is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health community. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an individual should take responsibility for preventing the spread of the COVID-19. For these reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gatherings
in stressful situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
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IELTS essay Many people attend mass gatherings even if they are sick. Does this surprise you? Do you think that this should be permitted

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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