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Many people argue that an impact on the behavioral perspective of children due to the content of the programs, whereas others think that how much time children devote to TV programs has a great influence. In my view, whatever they watch on TV has a more marked effect on them.

Many people argue that an impact on the behavioral perspective of children due to the content of the programs, whereas others think that how much time children devote to TV programs has a great influence. In my view, whatever they watch on TV has a more marked effect on them. b31mq
Many people argue that an impact on the behavioral perspective of children due to the content of the programs, whereas others think that how much time children devote to TV programs has a great influence. In my view, whatever they watch on TV has a more marked effect on them. On the one hand, watching television for long periods of time might be deleterious. To begin with, youngsters who are over-reliant on television for entertainment might neglect engagement in outdoor activities. This could lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which is detrimental for their physical health. Furthermore, excessive TV watching weakens children’s communication, making it hard to play or live in harmony with others. As a result, they feel faint-hearted when having real interactions with people which can hinder their development of social skills. On the other hand, the majority of programs or movies contain the amount of inappropriate content for children such as violence, drug abuse or casual sex. They are unable to distinguish between the right and wrong when exposed to these issues; therefore, they might have some misconception and impertinent behaviors in the formative years. For example, they might fall under the impression that the use of alcoholic drinks is fashionable without being aware of the health risks they carry. In addition, children are easily manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world. Consequently, they are enticed to purchase items that are not always worth their money. In conclusion, though these both aspects have their own influences, I believe the content is more significant. Hence, parental intervention(can thiệp) is necessary in controlling children's television viewing habits and raising their knowledge of programs with a healthy mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that an impact on the behavioral perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the content of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that how much time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
devote to TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
has a great influence. In my view, whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV has a more marked effect on them.

On the one hand, watching television for long periods of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be deleterious. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youngsters who are over-reliant on television for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
neglect engagement in outdoor activities. This could lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which is detrimental for their physical health.
Furthermore
, excessive TV watching weakens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
communication, making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to play or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with others.
As a result
, they feel faint-hearted when having real interactions with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which can hinder their development of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
or movies contain the amount of inappropriate content for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as violence, drug abuse or casual sex. They are unable to distinguish between the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
when exposed to these issues;
therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misconception and impertinent behaviors in the formative years.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
fall under the impression that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alcoholic drinks is fashionable without being aware of the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
they carry.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world.
Consequently
, they
are enticed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
items that are not always worth their money.

In conclusion
, though these both aspects have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
influences, I believe the content is more significant.
Hence
, parental intervention(can
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiệp
) is necessary in controlling children's television viewing habits and raising their knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with a healthy mind.
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IELTS essay Many people argue that an impact on the behavioral perspective of children due to the content of the programs, whereas others think that how much time children devote to TV programs has a great influence. In my view, whatever they watch on TV has a more marked effect on them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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