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Family structure and the role of its family have been changed

Family structure and the role of its family have been changed xx656
In the past, there were 3 to 4 generations living in the house but now there has been a change in the family structure. Recently, 2 to 3 generations live together so the cost of life they have to pay will be increased. And another change is the role of the family members. Formerly, the father was the main breadwinner and the mother had to take care of the housework. In modern life, many women have the opportunity to obtain a degree to pursue their career and manage family expenses. The change in family structure has both positive and negative sides. Firstly, the children who live in small families will have better educational chances. Especially, they have the opportunity to study abroad and get an international degree to take a good job in the future. Secondly, parents are busy working and have little time to spend with their children. They can have a variety of problems such as depression or autism. It can deteriorate their future.
In the past, there were 3 to 4 generations living in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there has been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure. Recently, 2 to 3 generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the cost of life they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay will
be increased
. And another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Formerly
, the father was the main breadwinner and the mother had to take care of the housework. In modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women have the opportunity to obtain a degree to pursue their career and manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
expenses.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
Firstly
, the children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will have better educational chances.
Especially
, they have the opportunity to study abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an international degree to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the future.
Secondly
, parents are busy working and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to spend with their children. They can have a variety of problems such as depression or autism. It can deteriorate their future.
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IELTS essay Family structure and the role of its family have been changed

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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