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Many people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. what are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v.1

Many people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. what are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
People have bigger aspiration, unlike the past, and they are willing to leave their home and move in the cities for the sake of job and study. There are numerous reasons for this trend and each has its own merits and demerits. I believe, the merits of this behaviour overshadow the demerits. The benefit of moving into the city for job purpose is that an individual gets better job prospects as compared to the rural areas. In the cities, multinational companies provide remuneration as per industry standard, and there are more opportunities to grow as an individual. For instance, customer care centres are the first attraction for many people who comes from the rural region to earn better with minimum qualification. Since competition is also mushrooming in the educational field, students come into the city to join the best educational institutes to compete with others. On the contrary, despite the fact that people enter into the city to secure various goals, they get indulged in notorious activities under the influence of locals. They may get deviated from their target and forget their priorities. Furthermore, in the cities, the living cost is more than the villages and to fulfil them people sometimes follow the wrong path. A recent survey concluded that about 40 percent of people who come from villages, commit various crimes such as snatching, robbery and alcohol consumption. To conclude, although there are some downsides when people leave their homes for study or jobs in the cities, the benefits to both individual and nations outweigh the demerits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have bigger aspiration, unlike the past, and they are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and study. There are numerous reasons for this trend and each has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits. I believe, the merits of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
overshadow the demerits.

The benefit of moving into the city for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
purpose is that an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects as compared to the rural areas. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide remuneration as per industry standard, and there are more opportunities to grow as an individual.
For instance
, customer care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are the
first
attraction for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "come"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
comes
from the rural region to earn better with minimum qualification. Since competition is
also
mushrooming in the educational field, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the best educational institutes to compete with others.

On the contrary
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter into the city to secure various goals, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in notorious activities under the influence of locals. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated from their target and forget their priorities.
Furthermore
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the living cost is more than the villages and to fulfil them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path. A recent survey concluded that about 40 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from villages, commit various crimes such as snatching, robbery and alcohol consumption.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes for study or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the benefits to both individual and nations outweigh the demerits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. what are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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