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Many people are choosing to live in the cities. To what extent do the benefits of living in cities outweigh the disadvantages ?

Many people are choosing to live in the cities. KlJYR
It is believed that lots of people prefer living in the urban areas. This is because, opportunities to live there are to receive high salary and easy entertainment access so that these merits outbalance demerits. To begin with, living in big cities provides a benefit to have accessibility to some entertaining places. However, persons staying at metropolis still suffer from mental issues due to work pressure. Even though workers are mentally exhausted in working space, they can still heal their own self to go to various entertainment facilities. For example, In Jakarta, central of business activity in Indonesia, when employees are pressured to do nine-to-five jobs to finish tasks based on company targets, a number of pubs open 24 hours in order to release stress because of such typical jobs, and easy to reach because most of these places are close to the working district. Furthermore, ones settling in big towns have a tendency to gain the best payment. Nevertheless, the consequence is to sacrifice their quality time to meet relatives. Nonetheless, the money that they obtain can be spent to buy primary and secondary necessities for wife and children, that is to say that they reach stable economy, having a tendency to compel the family members. For instance, people in New York occupying as an IT professional allocate 14 hours daily, possessing no time to share with kids and wife, but the monthly salary accounts for above 2000 dollars. Therefore, the children possess the best education, and his wife wears the trendy fashion every day. In conclusion, to settle in a metropolis reveals positive development to easily access to amusement places, and to obtain the best income, outbalancing drawbacks. If persons desire to avoid the negativity, the solution will be to manage time properly.
It
is believed
that lots of
people
prefer living in the urban areas. This is
because
, opportunities to
live
there are to receive high salary and easy entertainment access
so
that these merits outbalance demerits.

To
begin
with, living in
big
cities provides a benefit to have accessibility to
some
entertaining places.
However
, persons staying at metropolis
still
suffer from mental issues due to work pressure.
Even though
workers are mentally exhausted in working space, they can
still
heal their
own
self to go to various entertainment facilities.
For example
, In Jakarta, central of business activity in Indonesia, when employees
are pressured
to do nine-to-five jobs to finish tasks based on
company
targets, a number of pubs open 24 hours in order to release
stress
because
of such typical jobs, and easy to reach
because
most of these places are close to the working district.

Furthermore
,
ones
settling in
big
towns have a tendency to gain the best payment.
Nevertheless
, the consequence is to sacrifice their quality time to
meet
relatives. Nonetheless, the money that they obtain can
be spent
to
buy
primary and secondary necessities for wife and children,
that is
to say that they reach stable economy, having a tendency to compel the family members.
For instance
,
people
in New York occupying as an IT professional allocate 14 hours daily, possessing no time to share with kids and wife,
but
the monthly salary accounts for above 2000 dollars.
Therefore
, the children possess the best education, and his wife wears the trendy fashion every day.

In conclusion
, to settle in a metropolis reveals
positive
development to
easily
access to amusement places, and to obtain the best income, outbalancing drawbacks. If persons desire to avoid the negativity, the solution will be to manage time
properly
.
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IELTS essay Many people are choosing to live in the cities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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