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Many people all over the world do not have jobs at all, or do not have adequate jobs. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it?

Many people all over the world do not have jobs at all, or do not have adequate jobs. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it? JL276
In this competitive world, when the competitions is becoming steep so, job industry is becoming more and more professional. Millions of people worldwide either they have to deal with dearth of jobs or shortage of jobs. This essay will not only discuss the hurdles related to the aformentioned issue but also the solution will be provided in the upcoming paragraph. To embark with, there are mainly two prominent barriers of the woe. Firstly, the main reason is recession in which nowadays, it is ongoing across the world. In other words, having said this, recession occurs when something extreme happens in the society in that case unemployment folks wants to encounter plethora of adversity in they life For example, in India, appropriate more than 35% of people loss then job du to the fact of covid-19. Secondly, it is well-know fact that the if the particular business only not in the accurate path and the business is not earning impose financial then the owner of the company will likely to suspended to the workers. As a consequence, the rate of jobless people will likely to rise. Further more, significantly serious steps needed to be taken to sooth the woe is that the regulatory authority ought to establish the newly companies in terms of the jobless masses by performing this it will not only get benefit to the particular person but also that for nation owing to by passing the time the proportion of economy would be increased in the future. Moreover, specific company should be started to introduce work from home by those people who the company wants to suspend in which the company also get profit and citizen also. For instance, In New Zealand, almost more than 50 % of citizens is working form they accommodation. In conclusion, having gone through this matter it conclude that the although company should also get profit and nor loss, yet rusticate to the employee is not an appropriate way.
In this competitive world, when the competitions
You should probably use: "are".
is
becoming steep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
industry is becoming more and more professional. Millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide either they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discuss the hurdles related to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
aformentioned
issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the solution will
be provided
in the upcoming paragraph.

To embark with, there are
mainly
two prominent barriers of the woe.
Firstly
, the main reason is recession in which nowadays, it is ongoing across the world.
In other words
, having said this, recession occurs when something extreme happens in the society
in that case
unemployment folks wants to encounter plethora of adversity in
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they life
For example
, in India, appropriate more than 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
loss then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake found.
du
to the fact of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
.
Secondly
, it is well-know fact that the if the particular business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
not in the accurate path and the business is not earning impose financial then the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will likely to suspended to the workers. As a consequence, the rate of jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will likely to rise.

Further
more,
significantly
serious steps needed to
be taken
to sooth the woe is that the regulatory authority ought to establish the
newly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in terms of the jobless masses by performing this it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit to the particular person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
that for nation owing to
The verb or noun 'bypass' is spelled as one word.
by passing
the time the proportion of economy would
be increased
in the future.
Moreover
, specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to introduce work from home by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
wants to suspend in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profit and citizen
also
.
For instance
, In New Zealand, almost more than 50 % of citizens is working form
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they accommodation
.

In conclusion
, having gone through this matter it
Did you mean "concludes"?
conclude
that the although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profit and nor loss,
yet
rusticate to the employee is not an appropriate way.
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IELTS essay Many people all over the world do not have jobs at all, or do not have adequate jobs. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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