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The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries
Although it is believed by some people that only individuals who are born with talents can do well in sports and music, others think that any child can acquire such skills by training. In my opinion, through practice and determination, any child can become a successful artist or sports person. It is said that to be a sports star or musician you need to be born with the expertise of it. Those children who show an interest in sport and music in the early years perform better than those who do not. Indeed, talent in sports and music needs dedication and only those who have an interest should pursue. For instance, Rafael Nadal, a sports star is considered an epitome of Lawn Tennis and is also known as “the King of Clay”. But this did not happen overnight as he had been learning to play on clay courts since his childhood. From his debut until now we have seen him win 9 Grand slam trophy of French Open, a clay court tournament without any difficulty. Therefore, being born with the talent is an important aspect to excel in any given field. Although, been born with certain talent is crucial as the individual may struggle due to lack of skills. But, an individual can be trained for any desired skill, be it sports or music. As per the book by “Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success” we need 10, 000 hours of continuous practice to develop any talent. This book provides evidence that talent can be developed with constant effort and will. Also, Robin Sharma the author of the Monk who sold his Ferrari, suggest that a habit can be developed in 21 days. These habits can cater in any form of skill sets as your brain is programmed to perform any function. This goes as per the saying by Aristotle a Greek philosopher, “we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit”. These examples show that habits are required to develop a talent for sports and musicians. In conclusion, indeed, is important for any individual to be born with certain talent as it will be easy to develop the expertise. But, being born with does not mean that talent cannot be learnt later. There are books which have been written after rigorous research which mention that talent can be created with the help of deliberate habits to program our brain. In my opinion, we should not only consider talent at birth, but the one’s developed after training.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are born
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
can do well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that any child can acquire such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by training. In my opinion, through practice and determination, any child can become a successful artist or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person.

It
is said
that to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
star or musician you need to
be born
with the expertise of it. Those children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the early years perform better than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
needs dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an interest should pursue.
For instance
, Rafael
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadal
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
star
is considered
an epitome of Lawn Tennis and is
also
known as “the King of Clay”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this did not happen overnight as he had been learning to play on clay courts since his childhood. From his debut until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
him win 9 Grand slam trophy of French Open, a clay court tournament without any difficulty.
Therefore
,
being born
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect to excel in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
field.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
been born
with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is crucial as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
may struggle due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
be trained
for any desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, be it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. As per the book by “Malcolm
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gladwell
, Outliers: The Story of Success” we need 10, 000 hours of continuous practice to develop any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. This book provides evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
can
be developed
with constant effort and will.
Also
, Robin Sharma the author of the Monk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
sold his Ferrari,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "suggests".
suggest
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
can
be developed
in 21 days. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
can cater in any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets as your brain
is programmed
to perform any function. This goes as per the saying by Aristotle a Greek philosopher, “we are what we
repeatedly
do. Excellence then is not an act,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit”
. These examples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are required
to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and musicians.

In conclusion
,
indeed
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
be born
with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
as it will be easy to develop the expertise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
being born
with does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
later. There are books which have
been written
after rigorous research which mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
can
be created
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of deliberate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
to program our brain. In my opinion, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
at birth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the one’s developed after training.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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