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Many parents decide to send their children to hostel during highschool days, do the advaranges of hostel outweigh disadvantages for the students

Many parents decide to send their children to hostel during highschool days, do the advaranges of hostel outweigh disadvantages for the students 6eKx
At the teenage of students, numerous parents has belief to send their child to living school campus for them higher level studies. However, despites it bad company and homesickness, I still believe that the advantages of money management and discipline they learnt far overweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, I concede that stay away from home in early age is not everyone cup of tea. It is hard to move to new environment, not knowing anyone and missing family and friends maybe sometimes depressed and stress up students mind. For instances it is difficult for those student whose nature are shy and unfriendly cause of that they could not share their feelings to anyone cause of that it will affect them mind. It could be also argued that, bad campaign of roommates and friends can spoil the career of hostel students. Like by live with bad companies student may be get addicted of smoking and drinking. So, this will too harmful for their health in future and may be divert them mind from their actual goal. However, the downsides of bad company and homesickness is real concern, how I feel that have many pros side also. Firstly, the advantage of such school living campus is youngster can learn about money management and value of the money at the earliest age. For instances a child who living in hostel has got a limited amount of money for their routine expenditure cause of that he will get aware about that where should I spend or not. So, this learning plays a vital role in anyone life. Moreover, school house make students more punctual and disciplinable person. For an example at hostel there are have all the timetables of activity like morning breakfast time, lunchtime, dinner time and have strictly rules for students has to follow. Cause of that student being punctual about that timing and learn to stay in discipline. Therefore what I believed that the benefits of such place are more worth it for students then there downsides. To conclude, although I admit that student living campus has some inconvenience but the benefits we received from that are in valuable. Nevertheless I agree that the advantages of hostel living outweigh the disadvantages.
At the teenage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, numerous parents has belief to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
school campus for them higher level studies.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
despites it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and homesickness, I
still
believe that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management and discipline they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
far
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
its drawbacks.

On the one hand, I concede that stay away from home in early age is not everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "cups", "cupped".
cup
of tea. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to new environment, not knowing anyone and missing family and friends maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
depressed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
mind. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instances, it".
instances it
is difficult for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
whose nature are shy and
unfriendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of that they could not share their feelings to anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of that it will affect them mind. It could be
also
argued that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
campaign of roommates and friends can spoil the career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Like by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "companies'" or "company's"?
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may be
Consider using a past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
addicted of smoking and drinking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this will too harmful for their health in future and may be
Consider using the past participle "diverted"?
divert
them mind from their actual goal.

However
, the downsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and homesickness is real concern, how I feel that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros side
also
.
Firstly
, the advantage of such school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
campus is youngster can learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management and value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at the earliest age. For instances a child who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostel
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a limited amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their routine expenditure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of that he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware about that where should I spend or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this learning plays a vital role in anyone life.
Moreover
, school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more punctual and
Possible spelling mistake found.
disciplinable
person. For an example at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostel
there are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
all the timetables of activity like morning breakfast time, lunchtime, dinner time and have
strictly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
follow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cause
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
being punctual about that timing and learn to stay in discipline.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
what I believed that the benefits of such place are more worth it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Did you mean "than"?
then
Did you mean "their"?
there
downsides.

To conclude
, although I admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
campus has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits we received from that are in valuable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay Many parents decide to send their children to hostel during highschool days, do the advaranges of hostel outweigh disadvantages for the students

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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