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Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v.1

Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v. 1
It is often argued that several parents consider that television programmes, movies, computer programs and other media sources encouraging the disturbance to their children's. This essay will discuss the problems associated with the media factors and follows by solving the parents issue which is then followed by concluding an argument. In the present scenario, children's are spending their most of the times in playing video games, watching online movies which is a huge impact leading to the unhealthy children. In fact, they are much fond of using their electronic devices for screening online movies and other media sources along during their free and vacation times. For instance, 85% of the South East Children's love to spend their vacations viewing small screen programmes and computer games. In addition to it, the parents of these countries are supporting the individuals to enjoy the free time by above activities. Although, the parents must understand to avoid their pupils spending time on media platforms rather than they must be encouraged to scheduling them in several self development courses. Governments and private bodies must introduce the free coaching of scientific programmes in order to help the children's self development through various activities such as learning computers software and hardware, typing skills and much more. To conclude, broadcast programmes and video games are attacking a major harm to the children's. Parents and ministries must play a vital role by endorsing their kids to improve their personal developments and a role to rise up their knowledge to the world.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider that television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, movies, computer programs and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sources encouraging the disturbance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
. This essay will discuss the problems associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
factors and follows by solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
issue which is then followed by concluding an argument.

In the present scenario,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
are spending their most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in playing video games, watching online movies which is a huge impact leading to the unhealthy children. In fact, they are much fond of using their electronic devices for screening online movies and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sources along during their free and vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
For instance
, 85% of the South East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend their vacations viewing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and computer games.
In addition
to it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of these countries are supporting the individuals to enjoy the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by above activities.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'understand' is used with the gerund form: "understand avoiding".
understand to avoid
their pupils spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms
rather
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to
Did you mean "schedule"?
scheduling
them in several self development courses.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and private bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
introduce the free coaching of scientific
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
self development through various activities such as learning computers software and hardware, typing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and much more.

To conclude
, broadcast
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and video games are attacking a major harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and ministries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play a vital role by endorsing their kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personal developments and a role to rise up their knowledge to the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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