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Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. with this statement? v. 1
The sport plays an essential role in the life of each person, thereby not only the sportsmen should be sponsored, but also all programs that stimulate the healthy life of the citizens. Therefore I partly agree with the topic statement because spending money on both sides of the debate has equal importance. Firstly, few people can decline the fact that the win sportsmen increase the reputation of the homeland and they are an example for other citizens. For example, in the Soviet Union, everybody knew Sergey Bubka because he won the Olympic games, thereby parents encouraged all children via him to practice sports. Moreover, the Olympics game as other championship play a crucial role in the life of each country because prestigious, thereby the win there has a profitable impact on the future such country. Thus, if the government spent money on a few sportsmen which win, it could encourage other people to practice sports. Nevertheless, the government should not forget about other sports programmes because especially public gyms need money support for providing better service for a cheaper price that is attracting more people. For instance, the government could open the huge gym, which is free or with the smallest price, among all private, with modern tools and professional tutors. Furthermore, some countries provide different sports events that involve all citizens and such events are popular among people. Consequently, some spending on public sports should be too. To conclude, because of without money some sports programmes cannot be realised and win in the Olympic games unpredictable, so perhaps better equally distribute money between both this side of a country sports life.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
plays an essential role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of each person, thereby not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the sportsmen should
be sponsored
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
all programs that stimulate the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the citizens.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the topic statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on both sides of the debate has equal importance.

Firstly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can decline the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
sportsmen increase the reputation of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homeland and
they are an example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
citizens.
For example
, in the Soviet Union, everybody knew Sergey
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bubka
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he won the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
, thereby parents encouraged all children via him to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Moreover
, the Olympics game as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
championship play a crucial role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
prestigious, thereby the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
there has a profitable impact on the future such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on a few sportsmen which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
, it could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to practice sports.

Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not forget about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
especially
public gyms need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
support for providing better service for a cheaper price
that is
attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could open the huge gym, which is free or with the smallest price, among all private, with modern tools and professional tutors.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that involve all citizens and such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spending on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be too.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
unpredictable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
perhaps better
equally
distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
between both this side of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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