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Many offenders commit more crimes after first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures should be taken to tackle this problem? v.2

Many offenders commit more crimes after first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures should be taken to tackle this problem? v. 2
It is commonly argues that many criminals do more offences once they have come out from prison. This essay will outline certain causes, like Lack of rehabilitation and unemployment behind this situation. In addition, this essay will also propose plausible solutions to curb this issue, such as proper training programs and social support by people. To begin with, constant avoidance by people and lack of jobs are two prime reasons behind the increasing crimes. In other words, once any criminal comes out from jail, people do not accept and support them to live their normal life. Moreover, their record in crimes doesn’t allow them to get better jobs with good wages and this would make them unable to satisfy the basic needs of their families. As a result, they commit second crimes, such as bribery and fraud to fulfill need of family. To tackle this alarming issue, the conscious efforts by government should be taken in terms of arranging training programs to uphill skills which would make them able to get well paid jobs which strengthen their financial position. Furthermore, all the efforts from local bureaucrats will not result in positives unless it is supported by people. To be more specific, pupils should change their behavior and views for such criminals. Eventually, this will lead to well acceptance of criminals who really want to live their rest life peacefully. For instance, the government of Gujarat has taken wonderful initiative in 2017 to train offenders who were engaged in some offense and this has opened doors for better opportunity which reduces crime rate in the state in 2018. In conclusion, it is often observed that criminals come out of lock-up to commit crime second time. This essay has discussed chief causes, such as unemployment and people’s response for such people. This problem could be tackled by appropriate initiatives to up bring their skill to get better career opportunity and well acceptance in society.
It is
commonly
argues that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do more
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
once they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from prison. This essay will outline certain causes, like Lack of rehabilitation and unemployment behind this situation.
In addition
, this essay will
also
propose plausible solutions to curb this issue, such as proper training programs and social support by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, constant avoidance by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and lack of jobs are two prime reasons behind the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
In other words
, once any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out from jail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not accept and support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their normal life.
Moreover
, their record in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better jobs with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wages and this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unable to satisfy the basic needs of their families.
As a result
, they commit second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as bribery and fraud to fulfill need of family.

To tackle this alarming issue, the conscious efforts by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be taken
in terms of arranging training programs to uphill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well paid jobs which strengthen their financial position.
Furthermore
, all the efforts from local bureaucrats will not result in positives unless it
is supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To be more specific, pupils should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their behavior and views for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Eventually
, this will lead to well acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their rest life
peacefully
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Gujarat has taken wonderful initiative in 2017 to train offenders who
were engaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offense and this has opened doors for better opportunity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the state in 2018.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of lock-up to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
second time. This essay has discussed chief causes, such as unemployment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
response for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This problem could
be tackled
by appropriate initiatives to up bring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better career opportunity and well acceptance in society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures should be taken to tackle this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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