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Many museums charge for the entries while others are free ?do you think the advantages of charging people for admission for museum outweigh disadvantages.

Many museums charge for the entries while others are free? do you think the advantages of charging people for admission for museum outweigh disadvantages. NQX0
Museums are reflections of our Art, Culture and Essential events of the history. In my opinion a genuine priced ticket for such institutions is good step for maintenance as well as quality delivered to the visitor. In the following paragraph I will explain my supportive reasons. First of all a entry fee is a way to maintain proper infrastructure of the building. More over they have a leverage to hire staff for security, Cleaning and Tour guides etc. Consequently will enhance the status of the place, Subsequently better revenue means more capacity to expand the place add new features to the museum and hire new staff for the mentioned purpose. In other words a well funded place can generate better employment and Improvise year after year. On the other hand these fees limit the number of visitors, Not every one is willing to pay for visits. Therefore, Museum with no fees are usually not in sound condition, Usually crowded and Not well organized. Usually have staff just to keep the organizations essential functions going on. At the end of the day they depends upon Government Grants or Donation from Rich for betterment. In my opinion the benefits of some fees for visit outweighs free visit at museums. Its overall beneficial for expansion, maintenance, employment and self reliance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are reflections of our Art, Culture and Essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of the history. In my opinion a genuine priced ticket for such institutions is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step for maintenance
as well
as quality delivered to the visitor. In the following paragraph I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supportive reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is a way to maintain proper infrastructure of the building. More over they have a leverage to hire staff for security, Cleaning and Tour guides etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
will enhance the status of the place,
Subsequently
better revenue means more capacity to expand the place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
new features to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and hire new staff for the mentioned purpose.
In other words
a well funded place can generate better employment and Improvise year after year.

On the other hand
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
limit the number of visitors, Not every one is willing to pay for visits.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
are
usually
not in sound condition,
Usually
crowded and Not well organized.
Usually
have staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the organizations essential functions going on. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "depend"
depends
upon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Grants or Donation from Rich for betterment.

In my opinion the benefits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for visit outweighs free visit at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Its
overall
beneficial for expansion, maintenance, employment and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliance
.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for the entries while others are free? do you think the advantages of charging people for admission for museum outweigh disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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