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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 150 v.40

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 150 v. 40
Museums are places of attractions and interests for many tourists and even local inhabitants. In general, these buildings hold many important regarding and works of arts of many famous individuals. While various museums require an entry fee, others are free of cost. There are quite a few benefits and drawbacks of charging people, and I will discuss them now. Firstly, charging for admission in museums might not be well received by visitors. Indeed, if they are free, they will attract even more visitors because they would not have to spend money. For instance, the famous Louvre Museum in Paris is one of the major reasons people visit Paris, besides the Eiffel Tower, and if the museum was to be free, the number of tourists would have escalated. Moreover, some museums have exorbitant fees and this only discourages tourists. A further disadvantage of charging money would be that many times, visitors find themselves waiting in long queues for their turn to pay and when they are finally inside, it is overcrowded with people and they don’t feel comfortable and hence, they cannot enjoy their visit nor learn from the expositions. However, there are many advantages for charging people. Indeed, the money received could be used to maintain the museum and clean the place often to make it a worthwhile visit by tourists. The latter may not mind paying a small entry fee since usually their aim is to know more about the history of the country they are visiting. Furthermore, charging people for admissions might boost the economy of the country and the money collected could be invested in improving many other infrastructures and places of interests, and this will attract even more tourists. Additionally, guided tours can be included when the museum is receiving a continuous revenue in terms of admission fee. In conclusion, I strongly believe that museums should charge for admissions provided that the price is not exorbitant. This will help improve the economy and many places, maintain the museum in a good state and provide the service of guides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of attractions and
The usual collocation for "interests" is "in" not "for". Did you mean "interests in"?
interests for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and even local inhabitants.
In general
, these buildings hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
regarding and works of arts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
individuals. While various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
require an entry fee, others are free of cost. There are quite a few benefits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and I will discuss them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
might not be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well received
by visitors.
Indeed
, if they are free, they will attract even more visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Louvre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in Paris is one of the major reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit Paris,
besides
the Eiffel Tower, and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was to be free, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
would have escalated.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have exorbitant fees and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. A
further
disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times, visitors find themselves waiting in long queues for their turn to pay and when they are
finally
inside, it
is overcrowded
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they don’t feel comfortable and
hence
, they cannot enjoy their visit nor learn from the expositions.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Indeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
received could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and clean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a worthwhile visit by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. The latter may not mind paying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
entry fee since
usually
their aim is to know more about the history of the country they are visiting.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
might boost the economy of the country and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
collected could
be invested
in improving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other infrastructures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of interests, and this will attract even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Additionally
, guided tours can
be included
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is receiving a continuous revenue in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
fee.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should charge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
provided that the price is not exorbitant. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
state and provide the service of guides.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 150 v. 40

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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