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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Although free entry is welcomed by some museum organisations, many prefer to collect entry charges. In my opinion, I think free admission of people in museums bring more economic burden on the authority than the benefits. Despite the minimal drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by museum and visitors are far more crucial. Firstly, charged admission amount assist to maintain the various items of the museum. In other words, proper preservation and care is required for many fragile and delicate artifacts of the museum, so high cost of maintenance can be surplused by collected entry fair. Secondly, museum staff could receive fair amount of salary, if the money is collected through entry ticket from visitors. Security staff, expert guides, for instance, are there in the museum for convenience of the visitors, and satisfied staff can cater their service enthusiastically. Lastly, entry charge put less monetarily burden on governments and organisations. As a result, the other important areas like health and education can be well taken care. Admittedly, there are some issues involved if entry charge is received by the museum. One basic problem is minimum number of people may tend to visit the museum as it's entry fees is high. Hence, the main purpose of the museum to educate and provide information to the vast number of people cannot be fulfilled. Another downside is that entry ticket may create discrimination in the society. As it is not possible for everyone to pay high charges of the entry, poor section of the people, inspite of the willingness, could not visit the museum. To conclude, though there are some basic problems of admission ticket in museum, the positive aspects are far more important and unavoidable.
Although free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
is welcomed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
free admission of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
bring more economic burden on the authority than the benefits. Despite the minimal drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and visitors are far more crucial.
Firstly
, charged admission amount assist to maintain the various items of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
In other words
, proper preservation and care
is required
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fragile and delicate artifacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high cost of maintenance can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “surplussed”, the past tense form of the verb ‘surplus’?
surplused
by collected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
staff could receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of salary, if the money
is collected
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
ticket from visitors. Security staff, expert guides,
for instance
, are there in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
for convenience of the visitors, and satisfied staff can cater their service
enthusiastically
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
put less
monetarily
burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
.
As a result
, the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas like health and education can be well taken care.
Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
is received
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. One basic problem is
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a minimum number of”?
minimum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may tend to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as
It seems that the possessive pronoun “its” fits better in this context.
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
fees is high.
Hence
, the main purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to educate and provide information to the vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
be fulfilled
. Another downside is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
ticket may create discrimination in the society. As it is not possible for everyone to pay high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
, poor section of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of the willingness, could not visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
To conclude
, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic problems of admission ticket in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and unavoidable.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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