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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantage. v.27

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantage. v. 27
Museums are very important elements of societies, as they help preserve the culture and also showcase heritage. However, various museum grant guests entries after a fee is paid while others grant free access, but in my opinion, payment before acceptance has more pros than open entry. Firstly, museums can either be run by a government or individual units in a community. Items curated or maintained are of high value and need a certain degree of care that may be very financially involving. Therefore, it is a good choice to get funds from visitors before they are allowed to have an experience. These monies can go a long way to pay staff salaries, install state of the art security systems and keep the structure intact. A detailed maintenance structure may not be achievable except if the government decides to solely handle the finances, which In many cases is not sustainable. On the other hand, free access to visitors has its up sides; definitely, the fact that no costs are attached would encourage more traffic, which In turn fosters a spread of the history of the area, making people more informed. This would motivate the government to keep the facility up to standard. Though payment of tariffs may have its advantages, but a clear downside is, limiting the number of individuals that would come for tours because these payments may cost a lot and not many would be able to conveniently afford it. In conclusion, with both sides laid out and explained, I shall remain with fee payments.
Museums are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
elements of societies, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preserve the culture and
also
showcase heritage.
However
, various museum grant guests entries after a fee
is paid
while others grant free access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
acceptance has more pros than open entry.

Firstly
, museums can either
be run
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or individual units in a community. Items curated or maintained are of high value and need a certain degree of care that may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
financially
involving.
Therefore
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funds from visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have an experience. These monies can go a long way to pay staff salaries, install
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
security systems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the structure intact. A detailed maintenance structure may not be achievable except if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decides to
solely
handle the finances, which In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases is not sustainable.

On the other hand
, free access to visitors has its up sides; definitely, the fact that no costs
are attached
would encourage more traffic, which In turn fosters a spread of the history of the area, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more informed. This would motivate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the facility up to standard. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
of tariffs may have its advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
downside is, limiting the number of individuals that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for tours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
may cost a lot and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would be able to
conveniently
afford it.

In conclusion
, with both sides laid out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
, I shall remain with fee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantage. v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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