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Many lesser-known languages are disappearing. Young people should be forced to learn these languages so they are not lost forever.

Many lesser-known languages are disappearing. Young people should be forced to learn these languages so they are not lost forever. Yy5Rr
It is a fact that there are a lot of languages in this world, but every year several of the languages just disappear. Many people argue that the extinction of some languages is not a crucial problem since communication will be more effective with fewer languages. However, For my money, a great deal of importance is placed on the diversity of the world languages has a lot of benefits for the individual and the society as well. First and foremost, an extensive review by United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) found that half of all languages in existence will disappear by the end of the 21st century. To some extent, it is believed that the disappearance was due to the globalization, which have forced people to communicate in International languages such as English, German or French. A case in point is, without learning English most of the people, especially younger generation, can't survive in today's software industry. Alternatively, the uncountable number of languages that have existed shows the uniqueness of the world cultures. it is of great importance to maintain the diversity of the world languages since each of the languages represents the identity of a community. Moreover many of the traditional myths are written or documented in the minority languages, and if they die out, then the culture would also be lost. So, retain variety of languages have become more and more important. In conclusion, there is no doubt that some of the languages might only be spoken by several people, however, in my opinion, a variety of languages shows the richness of the world civilizations and they should be passed to the next generation.
It is a fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every year several of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
disappear.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is not a crucial problem since communication will be more effective with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
However
, For my money, a great deal of importance
is placed
on the diversity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for the individual and the society
as well
.

First
and foremost, an extensive review by United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) found that half of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in existence will disappear by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the 21st century. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it
is believed
that the disappearance was due to the globalization, which have forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate in International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as English, German or French. A case in point is, without learning English most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
younger generation, can't survive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's software industry.

Alternatively
, the uncountable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that have existed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the uniqueness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cultures.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is of great importance to maintain the diversity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
since each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
represents the identity of a community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the traditional myths
are written
or documented in the minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, then the culture would
also
be lost
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, retain variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have become more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be spoken
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, in my opinion, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the richness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
civilizations and
they should
be passed
to the
next
generation.
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IELTS essay Many lesser-known languages are disappearing. Young people should be forced to learn these languages so they are not lost forever.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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