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Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but now a days an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. v.1

Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but now a days an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. v. 1
With the increase in technology on a daily basis, the production has transformed drastically. Machines nowadays are employed to produce products replacing humans. This essay will explain the possible benefits and drawbacks that are linked to this situation. Machineries in industries can be beneficial in many ways, among them, faster production and cost effectiveness are the most significant ones. To elaborate in detail, machines take very less time to complete certain tasks, when compared to a person. Knitting, for example, takes 4 days for a human to make a beautiful sweater, but on the other hand, a machine takes only 10 mins to do the same. Moreover, there is no payment required to employ a technology for doing menial jobs, which cuts the cost of salaries for any industry. Hence, it is in favour of organizations in terms of profits. Although there are above mentioned advantages, conversely, there are issues such as maintenance and update expenses. To be able to use automobiles, it needs the staff to be trained to operate, additionally, any technical issue or update in technology will lead to extra charges. What's more is, by using gadgets in production agencies, it causes a problematic situation of job scarcity. To prove this, a research reveals that 50% of people have lost jobs in past 10 years due to technological adaptation in the industries. Therefore, it is clear that, sometimes it leads to unplanned dangers to businesses and society as well. To sum up, Welcoming technology in the fields is unavoidable, even if technology is taking away jobs of many people, due to convenience of producing goods at greater speed, organizations will only consider as a major advantage.
With the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on a daily basis, the production has transformed
drastically
. Machines nowadays
are employed
to produce products replacing humans. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the possible benefits and drawbacks that
are linked
to this situation.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Machineries
in industries can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, among them, faster production and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
are the most significant ones. To elaborate in detail, machines take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less time to complete certain tasks, when compared to a person. Knitting,
for example
, takes 4 days for a human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sweater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, a machine takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10
Possible spelling mistake found.
mins
to do the same.
Moreover
, there is no payment required to employ a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for doing menial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
the cost of salaries for any industry.
Hence
, it is in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of organizations in terms of profits.

Although there are above mentioned advantages,
conversely
, there are issues such as maintenance and update expenses. To be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
automobiles, it needs the staff to
be trained
to operate,
additionally
, any technical issue or update in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will lead to extra charges. What's more is, by using gadgets in production agencies, it causes a problematic situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity. To prove this,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
reveals that 50% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in past 10 years due to technological adaptation in the industries.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it leads to unplanned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to businesses and society
as well
.

To sum up, Welcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the fields is unavoidable, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is taking away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, due to convenience of producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at greater speed, organizations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider as a major advantage.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but now a days an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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