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“Many health issues among Malaysians are caused by poor lifestyle. In order to lead a healthy and happy life, we need to change our lifestyle.” Write an essay, suggesting some healthy habits that can ensure good health and longevity. Write at least 250 words.

“Many health issues among Malaysians are caused by poor lifestyle. In order to lead a healthy and happy life, we need to change our lifestyle. ” Write an essay, suggesting some healthy habits that can ensure good health and longevity. AaMpl
There are many Malaysians who have a health issue despite any different of age. A poor lifestyle which it has lead to a health issue. Therefore, we as Malaysians need to improve our lifestyle which can include to eat a proper meal, exercise more often and being socialize with others. To begin with, we need a proper and healthy meals to consume everyday. As we eat a healthy food it can helps us to be in a good health condition. For example, cooking our own meals can help to prevent any health issues as we know what are the exact ingredients we put in our meals. Hence eat a proper meals can improve our lifestyle. Next, we should exercise more often. Exercise can help us to be physically fit. Whether by doing a simple jumping jack, take a walk or cycling it sure can help to improve our health as the blood circulation and muscles are active. Thus by exercising can lead to a healthy lifestyle. Furthermore, socialize with others can help to improve our lifestyle. By socializing with others we are able to prevent from a mental health problems. For instance, being depressed is one of the common mental health problems among people who have less connection with people as they often think that they are not good enough. By connecting with people ask them how was their day can help to improve a healthy lifestyle. To conclude, a healthy lifestyle can prevent us from having any health issue. Therefore, by eating a proper meals, exercise more often and socialize with others are the ways to improve our healthy lifestyle.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Malaysians who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
despite any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of age. A poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which it has lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Therefore
, we as Malaysians need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
which can include to eat a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
and being
Consider using a past participle here: "socialized".
socialize
with others.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
to consume
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we eat a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "help"
helps
us to be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition.
For example
, cooking our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
as we know what are the exact ingredients we put in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
eat a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "meal"?
meals
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our lifestyle.

Next
, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to be
physically
fit. Whether by doing a simple jumping jack, take a walk or cycling it sure can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as the blood circulation and muscles are active.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
by exercising can lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

Furthermore
, socialize with others can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. By socializing with others we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from a mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
For instance
,
being depressed
is one of the common mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have less connection with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. By connecting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ask them how was their day can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from having any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Therefore
, by eating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "meal"?
meals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
and socialize with others are the ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.

IELTS essay “Many health issues among Malaysians are caused by poor lifestyle. In order to lead a healthy and happy life, we need to change our lifestyle. ” Write an essay, suggesting some healthy habits that can ensure good health and longevity.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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