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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v.4

In current years, many governments be of the opinion that pecuniary progression is the key to success. State leaderships propose that economic progress is the most necessary purpose. I personally believe that the economy success of a nation is an important goal for a government but this is not the most important one. On one hand foremost, economic motion is essential for countries. These because the economy provides citizens with plentiful benefits such as good facilities, well daily wages, a better life style. Thus economic developing can enhance the country’s high position in the world. For example China, at the outset of the reforms in 1978, China was poor, it had a GDP per capita level similar to Zambia. Currently, China is the world's largest manufacturing economy and exporter of goods. China is classified as a newly industrialized economy. It is also the world's fastest growing consumer market and second largest importer of goods. China is a net importer of services products. On the other hand, focus on economic progress is not enough for the developing nations. Besides, developing just only economy but pretermit other types of progress creates a variety of problems. Specifically, human activities and industrial has effect for our life lives such as overpopulation, climate change, pollution. Hence, governments have to concern about other types of progress such as environment, education, medical and security to develop the country in a sustainable development way because all of these aspects are definitely important. To sum up, I believe economic progress is necessary but it can create lots of problems. My school of thought, governments should pay attention to all aspects of nations such as environment, medical and education as well.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
be of the opinion that pecuniary progression is the key to success. State leaderships propose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is the most necessary purpose. I
personally
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
success of a nation is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one.

On one hand foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
motion is essential for countries. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
provides citizens with plentiful benefits such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities, well daily wages, a better
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
life style
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
developing can enhance the country’s high position in the world.
For example
China, at the outset of the reforms in 1978, China was poor, it had a GDP per capita level similar to Zambia.
Currently
, China is the world's largest manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and exporter of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. China
is classified
as a
newly
industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. It is
also
the world's fastest growing consumer market and second largest importer of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. China is a net importer of services products.

On the other hand
, focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the developing nations.
Besides
, developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
pretermit
other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
creates a variety of problems.
Specifically
, human activities and industrial has effect for our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as overpopulation, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, pollution.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concern about other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
such as environment, education, medical and security to develop the country in a sustainable development way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all of these aspects are definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To sum up, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can create lots of problems. My school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should pay attention to all aspects of nations such as environment, medical and education
as well
.
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IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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