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Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. v.4

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. v. 4
In today’s modern world, it is certainly true that most people own at least a credit card. Some may even have four to five credit cards which eventually cause them to run up huge personal debt. Some people are of the opinion that government and banking authority should make it harder for individuals to borrow large amounts of money and I strongly agree with it. There are several reasons why it should be less easy for people to borrow money. To begin, a huge personal debt will probably increase their burden. Even though they may be worked harder in order to earn more money to clear off their debt, it is always not a simple task for them. According to the statistic from a well-known bank, it has shown that more that 65% of the people are unable to repay which may be partly due to the high-interest rate they have to deal with. As a result, many of them, especially those aged below 30, may choose to end their previous lives by suicidal which we are constantly confronted with newspaper or many of them commit the crime to gain some money. Apart from that, the individuals are too materialistic nowadays. They borrow the money from the bank and use it to buy things to satisfy themselves. They think that the more things they own, the happier they are. Therefore, the government should make the procedures to borrow money much more complex in order to avoid the people to get into debt. It is believed that the attitude of people being too materialistic will change as long as there are crucial and effective measures that can be taken. Eventually, the problem of running into huge debt can be prevented. In conclusion, there are numerous people who get into large debts due to overuse of credit cards or loans which most of them have not the ability to repay. However, if the government can tighten the rules in the procedure to borrow money from the bank, this problem can soon be coped. I believe our country will continue to prosper and flourish if this problem can be solved in the years to come.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, it is
certainly
true that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
at least a credit card.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may even have four to five credit cards which
eventually
cause them to run up huge personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debt
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and banking authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder for individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borrow
large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

There are several reasons why it should be less easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, a huge personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debt
will
probably
increase their burden.
Even though
they may
be worked
harder in order to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
off their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debt
, it is always not a simple task for them. According to the statistic from a well-known bank, it has shown that more that 65% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to repay which may be partly due to the high-interest rate they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them,
especially
those aged below 30, may choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
their previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by suicidal which we are
constantly
confronted with newspaper or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them commit the crime to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.

Apart from that, the individuals are too materialistic nowadays. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borrow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the bank and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things to satisfy themselves. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the more things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, the happier they are.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the procedures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
much more complex in order to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debt
. It
is believed
that the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being too materialistic will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as long as there are crucial and effective measures that can
be taken
.
Eventually
, the problem of running into huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debt
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.

In conclusion
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debts
due to overuse of credit cards or loans which most of them have not the ability to repay.
However
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can tighten the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in the procedure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the bank, this problem can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be coped
. I believe our country will continue to prosper and flourish if this problem can
be solved
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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