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Many governments around the world spend a large amount of tax payer's money on armed forces rather than education. What problems does this cause and what solutions can you suggest?

Many governments around the world spend a large amount of tax payer's money on armed forces rather than education. What problems does this cause and what solutions can you suggest? qRoyX
Nowadays, an efficient army is necessary for every country in order to keep nation's citizens safe from enemy. Many authorities across the globe are spending a huge capital for upgradation of the armed force, instead of allocation to education sector. Several issues can be araised from this occurance; however, some effective measures can be taken to resolve it which would be explained in ensuring paragraphs. To initiate with; however, a large sum of money is required to make a well equiped force, this is vital for any continent, because all the economies have advanced equipments and nuclear weapons. Due to threat of attack by other country, betterment of country's protectors becomes priority. For instance, if there will be war in between several countries and army of an economy would not be as much stronger as others than it will definitely not conquer. On the other hand, education plays crucial role in the integration of the commonwealth. If governance make a big budget for coaching sector, it would be beneficial for the citizens. As literacy rate in the nation will incrase, it will flourish in different sectors. For example, there are number of people in the India, who are not able to make money even for their daily bread, because they are illiterate. To go with solutions, both the aspects: protection of the land and provide education to the people are equally important. Authority can distribute extra fund to these departments, rather than entertainment world; such as, films. Moreover, unessential expenditures could be stopped; like, in the space department. To conclude, it can be reiterated that tax-payer's money must be spent effectively and on essential places; like, update the army and teaching the communities.
Nowadays, an efficient army is necessary for every country in order to
keep
nation's citizens safe from enemy.
Many
authorities across the globe are spending a huge capital for
upgradation
of the armed force,
instead
of allocation to education sector. Several issues can be
araised
from this
occurance
;
however
,
some
effective measures can
be taken
to resolve it which would be
explained
in ensuring paragraphs. To initiate with;
however
, a large sum of money
is required
to
make
a well
equiped
force, this is vital for any continent,
because
all the economies have advanced equipments and nuclear weapons. Due to threat of attack by other country, betterment of country's protectors becomes priority.
For instance
, if there will be war in between several countries and army of an economy would not be as much stronger
as
others than it will definitely not conquer.
On the other hand
, education plays crucial role in the integration of the commonwealth. If governance
make
a
big
budget for coaching sector, it would be beneficial for the citizens. As literacy rate in the nation will
incrase
, it will flourish in
different
sectors.
For example
, there are number of
people
in the India, who are not able to
make
money even for their daily bread,
because
they are illiterate. To
go with
solutions, both the aspects: protection of the land and provide education to the
people
are
equally
important
. Authority can distribute extra fund to these departments,
rather
than entertainment world; such as, films.
Moreover
, unessential expenditures could be
stopped
; like, in the space department.
To conclude
, it can
be reiterated
that tax-payer's money
must
be spent
effectively
and on essential places; like, update the army and teaching the communities.
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IELTS essay Many governments around the world spend a large amount of tax payer's money on armed forces rather than education. What problems does this cause and what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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