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Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1
The importance and popularity of economic growth have become the main aim of government in a past few years. Experts throughout developed and developing worlds have debated whether the economic progress is the most important point or not. Both sides of this issue will be examined in the following essay. On the one hand, there are three possible reasons that why the growth of the economy is the most government's consideration of this planet. The most important one is that employment creation, resulted from a higher GDP and. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that job security will create an income to the household and eventually increase the population's happiness. Furthermore, as the activity of the country as a whole rises, it results in an increase of productivity and country's wealth which link to the happiness of the population. Last but not least, we cannot deny that facility is one type of economic progress. The best example for this is the public transportation methods which facilitate the human life to be more convenient, shorten commute time and cost saving. On the other hand, although there are ample reasons of an importance of economic progress, its multifold arguments cannot be denied. First and the foremost, there are various kinds of happiness such as well-being, security and time for relaxation. Hence, the government should not pay all attention in economic growth but should also pay attention to what the population really needs. Another point that should be taken into consideration is a health issue. Due to the fact that the cost of hospital bills has an increasing trend over time, resulted to unfold by low-income employees. Therefore, government should establish the hospital to be more accessible. The income gap is the final issue that should be concerned. The reason behinds this is that economic growth is one crucial cause of widening income gap. The rich become richer and the poor become poorer which is resulted in happiness index goes down despite an economic index goes up. To conclude from aforementioned arguments, I personally believe that the other kinds of growth are important as same as economic growth, especially income gap and health accessibility.
The importance and popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
have become the main aim of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in a past few years. Experts throughout developed and developing worlds have debated whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point or not. Both sides of this issue will
be examined
in the following essay.

On the one hand, there are three possible reasons that why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of the economy is the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's consideration of this planet. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that employment creation, resulted from a higher GDP and. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that job security will create an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to the household and
eventually
increase the population's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Furthermore
, as the activity of the country as a whole rises, it results in an increase of productivity and country's wealth which link to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of the population. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, we cannot deny that facility is one type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress. The best example for this is the public transportation methods which facilitate the human life to be more convenient, shorten commute time and cost saving.

On the other hand
, although there are ample reasons of an importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress, its
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
arguments cannot
be denied
.
First
and the foremost, there are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
such
as well
-being, security and time for relaxation.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not pay all attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should
also
pay attention to what the population
really
needs. Another point that should
be taken
into consideration is a health issue. Due to the fact that the cost of hospital bills has an increasing trend over time, resulted to unfold by low-income employees.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should establish the hospital to be more accessible. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
gap is the final issue that should
be concerned
. The reason behinds this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
is one crucial cause of widening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
gap.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
rich become richer and the poor become poorer which
is resulted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
index goes down despite an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
index goes up.

To conclude
from aforementioned arguments, I
personally
believe that the other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
gap and health accessibility.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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