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Many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work

Many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work p5RE9
At the present, many families find that both parents should go out to work because taking care of children is necessarily extra earning. Therefore, If father goes out to work and mother is a housewife, monthly expenses aren't enough. Firstly, The education and activity support costs are very important. Children should have compulsory education and activities that children like. It can make skills and benefits experience for them. Therefore, parents must have enough expenses for this. For example, My brother is supporting his children for entrance to international primary school because he thinks the bilanguage course is essential for their children. Secondly, the cost of an emergency or accident is a necessity for children because it is an unexpected incident. Therefor, parents should have a reserve of money for their children. For example, Many people who are parents of sick child and must have special treatment, However, If they don’t have enough money, their children may it get worse. In Conclusion, money is very important for children in many ways. Therefore, both parents should go out to work. It can help support their children to have a good development and good quality life.
At the present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families find that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should go out to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
necessarily
extra earning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, If father goes out to work and mother is a housewife, monthly expenses aren't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Firstly
, The education and activity support costs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should have compulsory education and activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and benefits experience for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
expenses for this.
For example
, My brother is supporting his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for entrance to international primary school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bilanguage
course is essential for their children.

Secondly
, the cost of an emergency or accident is a necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an unexpected incident. Therefor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have a reserve of money for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of sick child and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have special treatment,
However
, If they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse.

In Conclusion
, money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should go out to work. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality life.
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IELTS essay Many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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