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Many developing countries, there is a problem of declining quality of air and water. What are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to prevent this?

Many developing countries, there is a problem of declining quality of air and water. What are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to prevent this? 3W6RN
Nowadays level of pollution intensifying constantly encircling the world. The increasing level of contaminated air and water became a major issue for many underdeveloped nations. There are several effects for such situation and solution too. Both the aspects are explained in ensuring the paragraphs. Initially the environmental air is started to be grimy. Industries are one of the reason for this. As many industries releasing the poisonous smoke into the atmosphere which is detrimental for living beings. Such as chemical industries liberates noxious fumes which hit the transparency level of air. Moreover the purity of water also sinking in many countries where the underprivileged people live. As this communities do not have proper facilities of drainage system the filthy water directly discharged into rivers furthermore locals wash their clothes and cattles in rivers, apparently water gets more pollute. These factors affect the clarity of air and water. Firstly there should have complete process for purification of air and water. As the vehicles is one of the reasons for pollution, one should start to use E-Vehicle which maintain atmospheric level. Release of exhaust by factories into air should be replace with advance technologies. Secondly, the waste materials and untreated water can treat in drainage system thenafter should discharge into oceans. These steps can make surrounding better. To conclude, in this modern era using new technologies, it is easy to make atmosphere clean for survival and for better future.
Nowadays level of pollution intensifying
constantly
encircling the world. The increasing level

of contaminated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
became a major issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underdeveloped nations. There are several effects for such situation and solution too. Both the aspects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in ensuring the paragraphs.

Initially
the environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to be grimy. Industries are one of the reason for this. As

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries releasing the poisonous smoke into the atmosphere which is detrimental for living beings. Such as chemical industries liberates noxious fumes which hit the transparency level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the purity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
also
sinking in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries where

the underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. As
Did you mean "these"?
this
communities do not have proper facilities of drainage system the filthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
directly
discharged into rivers
furthermore
locals wash their clothes and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "cattle", the plural form of the noun 'cattle'?
cattles
in rivers,
apparently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more pollute. These

factors affect the clarity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and water.

Firstly
there should have complete process for

purification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. As the vehicles is one of the reasons for pollution, one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
E-Vehicle which maintain atmospheric level. Release

of exhaust by factories into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
should be
Consider using the past participle "replaced"?
replace
with advance technologies.
Secondly
, the waste materials and untreated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
can treat in drainage system

Possible spelling mistake found.
thenafter
should discharge into oceans. These steps can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
surrounding better.

To conclude
, in this modern era using new technologies, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
atmosphere clean for

survival and for better future.
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IELTS essay Many developing countries, there is a problem of declining quality of air and water. What are the causes of this and what measures could be taken to prevent this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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