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Many criminals commit further crimes when they are released from prison, In your opinion, why do they do so?

Many criminals commit further crimes when they are released from prison, In your opinion, why do they do so? RNVQP
Most offenders in the world today tend to commit a crime again after a break away from prison. There are many causes of this situation, however, steps can be taken to tackle this problem. In my opinion, many criminals commit crimes again because the punishment received is weak and lack of guidance from people around them. Firstly, penalties are not enough strength for the prisoners so criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from jail. One good illustration of this, today in Indonesia, prisons have quite comfortable conditions such as accessible, warm water, air conditioner, or delicious foods. Secondly, killers and thefts commit again crime after go out of prison due to a lack of advanced rehabilitation. For instance, it can be seen that the range of crime decreased the lowest proportions in the USA after psychological rehabilitation centers allocate in prisons. Thus, the government should be prudent about the proportion of crime and the range of repeat crimes. On the other hand, Many criminals require guidance from people around them, for guiding them in the right direction. Therefore, role societies are essential to developing and even guiding them after released from prison. For example, criminals are always overseen by their families or friends. So that, they will not perform criminality again. Hence, we should help supervising and guide the criminals after released from jail. To conclude, though there are quite a number of factors which encourage criminals to commit crimes again, I am of the opinion due to the punishment received is weak and lack of attention.
Most offenders in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
after a break away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of this situation,
however
, steps can
be taken
to tackle this problem. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the punishment received is weak and lack of guidance from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.

Firstly
, penalties are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
strength for the prisoners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
are released
from jail. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in Indonesia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
have quite comfortable conditions such as accessible, warm water, air conditioner, or delicious foods.
Secondly
, killers and thefts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after go out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
due to a lack of advanced rehabilitation.
For instance
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
decreased the lowest proportions in the USA after psychological rehabilitation centers allocate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be prudent about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and the range of repeat crimes.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
require guidance from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them, for guiding them in the right direction.
Therefore
, role societies are essential to developing and even guiding them after released from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are always overseen by their families or friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they will not perform criminality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
.
Hence
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to supervise" or "supervise".
supervising
and guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
after released from jail.

To conclude
, though there are quite a number of factors which encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
, I am of the opinion due to the punishment received is weak and lack of attention.
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IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes when they are released from prison, In your opinion, why do they do so?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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