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People are moving from places where they are born to cities for better job prospects? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

People are moving from places where they are born to cities for better job prospects? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages? Wy8re
Migration of rural people into urban areas in search of jobs and better standard of living is a common phenomenon in many developing countries. In my opinion, this move has both advantages and disadvantages and it is hard to say whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, when rural youth find good jobs in cities, there will definitely be an improvement in their standard of living. There are not many jobs, especially for the educated, in the countryside; by contrast, they are available in the city and hence this migration is an opportunity for them to escape from the clutches of poverty. In the city, they will also be able to provide better education and healthcare to their children and thus ensure a bright future for their family. migrate to cities, they become overcrowded. Most cities are already facing a shortage of liveable space. This influx of job seekers from the countryside will further degrade the quality of life in metros. For example, in India, almost every villager who cannot find a job in their native place migrates to Mumbai. Consequently, Mumbai is bulging at the seams. Many of these migrants are unskilled labourers who cannot find well-paying jobs. They continue to live in poverty even after moving to the city. Also, because of the unaffordable property prices in cities, millions are living in filthy slums where they struggle are susceptible to developing health problems. The population explosion also worsens air quality and traffic congestion in metropolises. In conclusion, when rural people move to urban areas and find good jobs there, it certainly improves their quality of living. However, most unskilled migrants will end up in low grade jobs and struggle to earn a living. Worse still, this migration makes cities overcrowded and thus deteriorates the overall quality of life. Hence, in my opinion, the advantages of this development more or less equal the disadvantages.
Migration of rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into urban areas in search of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and better standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is a common phenomenon in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. In my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
has both advantages and disadvantages and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, when rural youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there will definitely be an improvement in their standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. There are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
especially
for the educated, in the countryside; by contrast, they are available in the city and
hence
this migration is an opportunity for them to escape from the clutches of poverty. In the city, they will
also
be able to provide better education and healthcare to their children and
thus
ensure a bright future for their family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
migrate
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, they become overcrowded. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are already facing a shortage of liveable space. This influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers from the countryside will
further
degrade the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of life in metros.
For example
, in India, almost every villager who cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their native place migrates to Mumbai.
Consequently
, Mumbai is bulging at the seams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these migrants
are unskilled
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
who cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
well-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. They continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty even after moving to the city.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unaffordable property prices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, millions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in filthy slums where they struggle are susceptible to developing health problems. The population explosion
also
worsens air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
and traffic congestion in metropolises.

In conclusion
, when rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to urban areas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
there, it
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
However
, most unskilled migrants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in low grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and struggle to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Worse
still
, this migration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
overcrowded and
thus
deteriorates the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of life.
Hence
, in my opinion, the advantages of this development more or less equal the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay People are moving from places where they are born to cities for better job prospects? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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