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A country’s first duty to its citizens is to protect them. Therefore, it is logical that defense should take up a significant proportion of the national budget. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

A country’s first duty to its citizens is to protect them. Therefore, it is logical that defense should take up a significant proportion of the national budget. In what extent e5b9W
Terrorism activities influenced by quite a few countries and funding organizations have sparked a constant threat to the lives of peoples. Therefore, a growing number of individuals think it is considerably important to invest in military. As a result, it will enhance the reputation of the armed forces and guarding of individuals. To begin with, in 1991 when cold war came to an end there was a gradual decrease in spending in defence forces. However, in 2001 when terrorists attacked the World trade Centre by hijacking two planes. Due to, this criminal activity controversies enhanced and the United States of America began to considerably swell the budget of security forces, to guard its frontiers and locals. Moreover, bombers targeted a number of other countries, that’s why it became need of the hour to protect the natives. Consequently, every year a huge amount of money is paid out to safeguard nations and societies. Additionally, to protect the front lines it is the basic requirement to use advanced technologies, intelligence and armed forces with modern weapons. For instance, when freedom fighting groups, including ISIS and Al-Qaeda started to establish bases in Pakistan. As a consequence, millions of people died in 15 years, there were several bombing attacks and gunman strikes and Pakistan spend a lot of money in the armed forces. Hence, they were able to protect its nationals. In addition, to this there are several local conflicts. For example, racism in USA, insecurities due to religion in India, conflicts between Hutus and Tutsis etc. Consequently, to peacefully resolve this controversial issue, it is necessarily required to strengthen the police forces to protect dwellers. To conclude, there are desperados and indifferences due to religion, caste and colour. As a consequence, it is a workable solution to strongly build up our armed and police services to defend our territory and inhabitants.
Terrorism activities influenced by quite a few countries and funding organizations have sparked a constant threat to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of peoples.
Therefore
, a growing number of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
considerably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest in military.
As a result
, it will enhance the reputation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
and guarding of individuals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1991 when
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
cold war
came to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
there was a gradual decrease in spending in
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
However
, in 2001 when terrorists attacked the World trade
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
by hijacking two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
. Due to, this criminal activity controversies enhanced and the United States of America began to
considerably
swell the budget of security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, to guard its frontiers and locals.
Moreover
, bombers targeted a number of other countries, that’s why it became need of the hour to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the natives.
Consequently
, every year a huge amount of money
is paid
out to safeguard nations and societies.
Additionally
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the front lines it is the basic requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advanced technologies, intelligence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
with modern weapons.

For instance
, when freedom fighting groups, including ISIS and Al-Qaeda
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to establish bases in Pakistan. As a consequence, millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in 15 years, there were several bombing attacks and gunman strikes and Pakistan spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
Hence
, they were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
its nationals.

In addition
, to this there are several local conflicts.
For example
, racism
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, insecurities due to religion in India, conflicts between
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hutus
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tutsis
etc.
Consequently
, to
peacefully
resolve this controversial issue, it is
necessarily
required to strengthen the police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
dwellers.

To conclude
, there are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "desperadoes", the plural form of the noun 'desperado'?
desperados
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
indifferences
due to religion, caste and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
. As a consequence, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution to
strongly
build up our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
and police services to defend our territory and inhabitants.
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IELTS essay A country’s first duty to its citizens is to protect them. Therefore, it is logical that defense should take up a significant proportion of the national budget. In what extent

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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