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Many countries encourage teenagers to do part time job. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time job

Many countries encourage teenagers to do part time job. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time job Jl2yj
Some countries such as the UK and US encourage their secondary school students to do a part-time job. Although it creates stress and strain, they will also get to know the value of money, become independent and self confident. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of part time jobs at an early age. The greatest benefit of doing a part-time job in the teenage years will get them to know the importance of money in the early phase of life that will improve themselves as people as they realise how their parents work hard to give them a good lifestyle. While doing work people push themselves beyond the norms and they face struggle for earning, resulting in them not wasting money on unusual things. For instance, a recent survey shows that children who work in the student age value things such as clothes, food more than children who do not work. Moreover, they become more self confident and independent in their life. These are paradoxically the main advantages of doing a part-time job because it makes you a better person in life. Conversely, the main problem that teenagers have encountered is stress and strain while doing a part-time job. As they cannot maintain a subtle balance between the work and the studies resulting in low grades in exams which lead to mentally disturbance to that person. For instance, a survey shows that 80% of teenagers who do part-time work cannot do well in their studies because of work-related stress. To conclude, the hardship is that ultimately a part time job has more advantages than disadvantages. Certainly, people experience stress in the early phase but a small amount of stress is a tiny price to pay for the vast amount of benefits as it will lead to making the person money valuable, confident and independent and prepare them for facing challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries such as the UK and US encourage their secondary school students to do a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although it creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and strain, they will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, become independent and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at an early age.

The greatest benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the teenage years will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them to know the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the early phase of life that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how their parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
push themselves beyond the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
norms and
they face struggle for earning, resulting in them not wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unusual things.
For instance
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that children who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the student age value things such as clothes, food more than children who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, they become more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
and independent in their life. These are
paradoxically
the main advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you a better person in life.

Conversely
, the main problem that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have encountered is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and strain while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. As they cannot maintain a subtle balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the studies resulting in low grades in exams which lead to mentally disturbance to that person.
For instance
, a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot do well in their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

To conclude
, the hardship is that
ultimately
a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has more advantages than disadvantages.
Certainly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in the early phase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is a tiny price to pay for the vast amount of benefits as it will lead to making the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
valuable, confident and independent and prepare them for facing challenges.
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IELTS essay Many countries encourage teenagers to do part time job. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time job

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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