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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people think schools are responsible for solving this problem, and others believe it is the parents’ responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people think schools are responsible for solving this problem, and others believe it is the parents’ responsibility. KnKJR
In the modern era, the issue of health has become a matter for discussion. Some people say that school teachers should teach their students to have a healthy life, while others believe that it is their parents’ job. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this subject and provide my overall opinion. More and more children lead an unhealthy life these days because they lack the sense of health. Therefore, some people think that schools play a vital role in educating professional knowledge. Teachers should prepare some courses about nutrition and introduce various kinds of food which can make children know what they eat is a good or bad thing. Moreover, teachers should not cancel any PE classes for any reason. This is because students in Taiwan seldom have time to exercise after school, so PE classes are the only chance they can stretch themselves and release stress. However, others have an opposite viewpoint that parents should take the responsibility of children’s health. To begin, parents get along with their own children everyday. As a result, they should take care of their children and concern about what they eat, and make healthy and nutritious meals for them. In addition, parents are role models of their children. As a proverb goes, “example is better than precept”, and children will learn from their parents. If their parents set up a bad habit, children would imitate them. To conclude, leading a healthy life is a topic that is relevant to modern society. My personal viewpoint is that parents and schools have the same responsibilities for this issue. If teachers can provide professional knowledge and parents carry it out at home, children will grow up in a healthier environment and have a better lifestyle.
In the modern era, the issue of health has become a matter for discussion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should teach their students to have a healthy life, while others believe that it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
job. In this essay, I will examine both sides of this subject and provide my
overall
opinion.

More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lead an unhealthy life these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack the sense of health.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a vital role in educating professional knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
should prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses about nutrition and introduce various kinds of food which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know what they eat is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should not cancel any PE classes for any reason. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students in Taiwan seldom have time to exercise after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
PE classes are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chance they can stretch themselves and release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

However
, others have an opposite viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
As a result
, they should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and concern about what they eat, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy and nutritious meals for them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are role models of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As a proverb goes, “example is better than precept”, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
set up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would imitate them.

To conclude
, leading a healthy life is a topic
that is
relevant to modern society. My personal viewpoint is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have the same responsibilities for this issue. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can provide professional knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
carry it out at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will grow up in a healthier environment and have a better lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people think schools are responsible for solving this problem, and others believe it is the parents’ responsibility.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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