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many children do not have a healthy daily routine because they consume too much fast-food.

many children do not have a healthy daily routine because they consume too much fast-food. 2aenx
Today, many children do not have a healthy daily routine because they consume too much fast-food. It is claimed that parents and schools have a responsibility on this issue. Whilst I totally agree with this idea, I also believe that governments should take some measures on that. There is no doubt that a healthy routine inextricably linked with a number of things such as diet and doing exercise; thus, some parents give an importance this kind of things in different ways. Some of them prohibit eating hamburger and potato chips, while others learning different healthy snacks recipes to make their child eat some vegetables. However, setting a good example as a parent is as essential as transforming children’s diet. Schools where kids spend the most time should encourage them to do physical exercises. In addition to that some lessons should be added in the curriculum, which are related with famous, successful athletes and healthy lifestyle, for teaching children how important being well. Recent studies show that students mostly admire their teacher, and they tend to imitate the teachers’ behavior. Therefore, supervising them is crucial on their early ages for earning healthy habits. Governments also should take serious this issue and cope with it. School canteens are full of the unhealthy snacks. They should change the rules and provide healthier food for students. Kids are vulnerable and easy-to-affect, so the food companies know that and they use against them via commercials; however, it can change. In Turkey, for instance, many snack commercials are prohibited on cartoon TV channels. In conclusion, if it is desired to raise healthy kids, these factors should be taken into consideration. Parents, teachers and policymakers should join together to solve it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
daily routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consume too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food. It
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools have a responsibility on this issue. Whilst I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I
also
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures on that.

There is no doubt that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
routine
inextricably
linked with a number of things such as diet and doing exercise;
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give an importance this kind of things in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them prohibit eating hamburger and potato chips, while others learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
snacks recipes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their child eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vegetables.
However
, setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is as essential as transforming children’s diet.

Schools where kids spend the most time should encourage them to do physical exercises.
In addition
to that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lessons should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the curriculum, which
are related
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, successful athletes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle, for teaching children how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
being well. Recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that students
mostly
admire their teacher, and they tend to imitate the teachers’ behavior.
Therefore
, supervising them is crucial on their early ages for earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
habits.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
also
should take serious this issue and cope with it. School canteens are full of the unhealthy snacks. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and provide healthier food for students. Kids are vulnerable and easy-to-affect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
know
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
against them via commercials;
however
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In Turkey,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
snack commercials
are prohibited
on cartoon TV channels.

In conclusion
, if it
is desired
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
kids, these factors should
be taken
into consideration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
, teachers and policymakers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
together to solve it.
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IELTS essay many children do not have a healthy daily routine because they consume too much fast-food.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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