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• Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

• Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? BKdV
Nowadays the trend of part time job has increased than before. In some advanced countries, there are more than 50% of parents inspire their children to have a part time job in their leisure time. In this essay, I will address some advantages as well as disadvantages of having a part time job. There are several reasons why today parents encourage their children for part time job. Being involved in part time job of children can make them independent or avoid them from social crime, for instance. There is no doubt that nothing is more satisfying than making your own financial support and having a part time job at an early age can make it true which is an advantage for young people. Besides, experience is another point which will be beneficial for children to their workplace in future. Moreover, by doing nothing in leisure time can lead children in negative thinking and make them social crime. Furthermore, getting a part time job in children’s free time brings numerous advantages for both young people and society. However, getting a part time job has some disadvantages as well that is unavoidable. Children are not capable of thinking in depth at an early age which create some negative results of having a part time job. For example, less interest in studying or become unsocialized. Earning money is good though, sometimes it makes children greedy and cause of lacking in education. As a result, it leads to an uncertain future for children due to limited educational background. Simultaneously, so much involving in workplace causes distance with family and friends which can make children lonely and frustrated. In conclusion, it can be said that though part time job has some disadvantages, there are more benefits for children. Utilizing their free time by getting a part time job is good for children’s better future as well as for a healthy society.
Nowadays the trend of
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part
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has increased than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advanced countries, there are more than 50% of parents inspire their
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children
to have a
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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job
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In this essay, I will address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages
as well
as disadvantages of having a
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part
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time
job.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
parents encourage their
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children
for
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Being involved
in
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part
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time
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job
of
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children
can
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make
them independent or avoid them from social crime,
for instance
. There is no doubt that nothing is more satisfying than making your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial support and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at an early age can
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make
it true which is an advantage for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Besides
, experience is another point which will be beneficial for
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children
to their workplace
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in future
.
Moreover
, by doing nothing in leisure
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time
can lead
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children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thinking and
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make
them social crime.
Furthermore
, getting a
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
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children’s
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
brings numerous advantages for both young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and society.

However
, getting a
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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job
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
that is
unavoidable.
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Children
are not capable of thinking in depth at an early age which create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results of having a
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, less interest in studying or become unsocialized. Earning money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
though,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
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makes
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children
greedy and cause of lacking in education.
As a result
, it leads to an uncertain future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to limited educational background.
Simultaneously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much involving in workplace causes distance with family and friends which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lonely and frustrated.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that though
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, there are more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Utilizing their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
better future
as well
as for a healthy society.
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IELTS essay • Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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