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we live in a world of technology these days. while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. to what extend do you agree?

we live in a world of technology these days. while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. MJ8o
We are living in an era where mechanization has become a part of our lives globally. Like every other thing, it comes with its own set of benefits and problems. Even though it might have an issue in terms of safety and command, it has more advantages than disadvantages. This essay will discuss both the sides and elaborate my opinion with an example. Nowadays the internet is one of the prime sources of learning and entertainment. We can attain knowledge on any topic we want, which was not possible earlier as we had to look for the resources to read about it. Same goes with the entertainment to watch movies we do not need to go to Movie halls now, everything is available on OTT platforms. However, since it is accessible to everyone, we do not have any control over what a kid is watching or reading about which can be inappropriate for them. But if we can have a proper parental dominance over this, the Internet can surely be a boon to everyone. Also, Technology comes with comfort where most of the jobs are being done online like banking and shopping which used to be a time-consuming task. Today, Banking is done on fingertips, unlike earlier days where we had to stand in the queue just to make fund transfer or printing passbook. Moreover, Shopping and making payments is easier than ever. Now, we do not have to spend hours in malls for buying anything. All this can be done by staying at home. But with growing online transactions we are being susceptible to online frauds where hackers either fool people by asking personal account details or by cloning debit cards. Nevertheless, such frauds can be minimized by creating awareness to the community on transacting safely. In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. As cyberspace has multiple things to offer starting from knowledge to leisure activities along with applications which had been made to make our lives easier. Having said that, it just has to be used properly to avoid concerns over data security or control.
We are living in an era where mechanization has become a part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
globally. Like every other thing, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of benefits and problems.
Even though
it might have an issue in terms of safety and command, it has more advantages than disadvantages. This essay will discuss both the sides and elaborate my opinion with an example.

Nowadays the internet is one of the prime sources of learning and entertainment. We can attain knowledge on any topic we want, which was not possible earlier as we had to look for the resources to read about it. Same goes with the entertainment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies we do not need to go to Movie halls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, everything is available on
Possible spelling mistake found.
OTT
platforms.
However
, since it is accessible to everyone, we do not have any control over what a kid is watching or reading about which can be inappropriate for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if we can have a proper parental dominance over this, the Internet can
surely
be a boon to everyone.

Also
, Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with comfort where most of the jobs are
being done
online like banking and shopping which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a time-consuming task.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, Banking
is done
on fingertips, unlike earlier
It is better to use 'days' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "days when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
days where
we had to stand in the queue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fund transfer or printing passbook.
Moreover
, Shopping and making payments is easier than ever.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend hours in malls for buying anything. All this can
be done
by staying at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with growing online transactions we are being susceptible to online frauds where hackers either fool
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by asking personal account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
or by cloning debit cards.
Nevertheless
, such frauds can
be minimized
by creating awareness to the community on transacting
safely
.

In conclusion
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
cyberspace has multiple things to offer starting from knowledge to leisure activities along with applications which had
been made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. Having said that, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
to avoid concerns over data security or control.
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IELTS essay we live in a world of technology these days. while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in term of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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