Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time v.2

many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time v. 2
The majority of parents stimulate their children to take a part-time job in their leisure time. One of the main positives of stimulating children to get a job is teaching them to live independently. Firstly, it is a step into adulthood and if children start working from an early age they learn to work in groups. Also, they begin to understand the difficulties of life. And one of the advantages of part time job is moving out of their comfort zone. For instance, If compared to the past years, we can realize that children nowadays are lazier than in the past. This may be due to the fact that, the current generation has no sense of responsibility. And it can lead to they begin to think that, if I had had a chance, I would have started work a little bit early. Turning to the negatives, one common problem is a lack of time to do their homework. As we know, nowadays institution burden children and if they start to work, they can not to do their homework, and it can lead to that a number of skilled persons decrease. And another concern is non availability of free time. Loading children from an early age can lead to various diseases associated with physical and mental. In conclusion, encouraging a child has a number of positives as well as a negative side. Therefore, I think that parents should think twice before to inspire their children to work.
The majority of parents stimulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take a part-time job in their leisure time.

One of the main positives of stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job is teaching them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
.
Firstly
, it is a step into adulthood and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working from an early age they learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in groups.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to understand the difficulties of life. And one of the advantages of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job is moving out of their comfort zone.
For instance
, If compared to the past years, we can realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays are lazier than in the past. This may be due to the fact that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation has no sense of responsibility. And it can lead to they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, if I had had a chance, I would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
early.

Turning to the negatives, one common problem is a lack of time to do their homework. As we know, nowadays institution burden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can not to do their homework, and it can lead to that a number of skilled persons decrease. And another concern is
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non availability
of free time. Loading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from an early age can lead to various diseases associated with physical and mental.

In conclusion
, encouraging a child has a number of positives
as well
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to inspire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts